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thomas π
7,165 posts
thomas π
@perfectsweeties
i am not smart
26 he/him chicago
Joined November 2013
- interesting how when u squeeze most fruits u get fruit juice but when u squeeze a banana u just get. mashy banana. to me this is very suspicious. imposter fruit?
- ur weird as hell if ur one of those people like "i hate cats." whats ur problem bud. they literally have little paws
- how does everyone know when fruits are in season.. when did u learn that. did i miss fruit season day in algebra. did u swallow a farmers almanac. why are peaches only in season for 8 hours a year
- why would they call it a grapefruit. there already is a grape fruit. it's called a grape. someone messed up here
- one time a girl said "u dropped this pen". i was like. that is clearly not my pen. it's red. "ya u did" she shoved it into my hands. ok weirdo. then when i looked at it there was a note inside with her phone number. my question is this: how does anyone date men. we are so dumb
- cat owners will be covered in scratches and scars and just be like these are little love marks from my handsome boy π his name is pillow he's such a little man :)
- love how people just will accidentally have a pet cat. theyβll be like yea he just knocked on my door one day and now he has his own bedroom. like what?? what was he doing before u? he was just some guy doing stuff? i need to know more. ur cat has a dark and mysterious past
- me: hello i would like some spinach. just a normal amount for a normal person grocery store: yea right. bet u love spinach u little spinach freak. here's a fucking brick of spinach. a literal bathtub full. u have 3 days to eat it all before it goes bad
- to the people playing drinking games rn.. are u dead
- you've heard of elf on the shelf but haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door
- i meet jeff bezos in a store. i laugh at him because he only owns 170 billion dollars in stock. "none of that is liquid" i explain. i dangle a 20 dollar bill in front of his face. "u ever seen one of these u fuckin poor?" i spit on his shoe and his employee licks it clean
- jump scare when your grandma asks you to βfixβ her phone. unlock it and all the text is in 48 point comic sans and theres a dancing leprechaun that βhelps her with her passwordsβ. brother how do you even get this much malware on an iphone 15. we need to fling this into a volcano
