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Matt Forde
@mattforde
Comedian. @TheRNOHCharity and @BCRT Ambassador. #NFFC and ham sandwich fan. Chordoma survivor. Stoma owner. Cancer free since 2023.
Tickets for all shows:
Joined March 2009
Posts
  • Pinned
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    MY BRAND NEW TOUR IS ON SALE NOW! It’s my biggest ever tour, 51 dates across the UK. Featuring Donald Trump, Angela Rayner, Lee Anderson, Keir Starmer and Oasis What more do you want? Ok, there’s some (soft) dick jokes too. Tickets: mattforde.com
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    Keir Starmer is classier, sharper, more thoughtful, better briefed, more considered, more mature, has better instincts, is cannier, more talented, more composed and more Prime Ministerial than Boris Johnson.
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    What a brilliant photo. Beautiful setting, the finger wag, the social distancing, Johnson’s face... I think it’s just the visual reminder that we live in a democracy
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    Boris Johnson just lost the next election
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    “It’s a moveable date, it’s not like Easter” says Michael Gove, naming a moveable feast
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    Supermarkets have been able to cope with the demands of 60 million people every day of the year for my entire life. The system works. If you stockpile, not only are you ruining a system that means you can always get what you need when you need it, you’re a selfish twat.
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    Someone brought their baby to my show last night. Sadly it derailed large parts of it because they wouldn't do the decent thing and just leave when it started crying. I get that it must be tough as a new parent but please, don't bring babies to adult shows. It's always a problem.
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    Boris Johnson at 3.45pm: I’ll be more responsible from now on Boris Johnson 5 minutes later: Here’s a Jimmy Savile gag
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    Stuck in my flat for over 10 weeks. Not been outside at all. No sun on my face, no fresh air in my (feeble) lungs. I'm going to do the 12 weeks as I'm wary of catching or helping spread the virus. But my GOD, they've made me feel like a mug for sticking to rules when they haven't
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    I had free school meals. I had to queue up for a token. A terrible, shaming way of doing it. Worse still was the fear of an error and my name not being on the list. Low income families need those meals. @MarcusRashford is absolutely right and he’s a hero for this campaign.
    "I once had to go through that same system" In a TV exclusive with #BBCBreakfast @MarcusRashford explains why he's calling for a u-turn over the decision to end free school meal vouchers in England over summer. More here: bbc.in/2YxAF4M
    00:00
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    He should never have been Prime Minister. He was always going to be a disaster. It’s a disgrace that we’ve been put through this as a country.
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    I don’t think we can underestimate how distressing this is for the country. For all the cynicism around politics, the vast majority of us want our Prime Ministers to succeed. We live our national story through them. I never thought I’d be so emotional about Boris Johnson.
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    Odds on the next election being Sunak v Starmer?
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    Keir Starmer draws a contrast not just with Jeremy Corbyn but with Boris Johnson. Corbyn and Johnson are part of the same political culture, promoting and standing by toxic individuals. Starmer is showing the way to a new, more decent era.