K
12K posts
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@kourtneyinhell
Joined February 2020
- been telling my kids to STOP tackling each other on the couch for a fucking hour but they won't listen. Finally put my head in my hands out of exasperation, 5yo puts a hand on my shoulder, softly says "mommy it's ok. being a mom is hard" then turns and immediately body slams 3yo
- Husband found a parking spot right in front of the packed aquarium today and immediately was like “this is a parking spot you’ll remember forever” and has managed to talk about it all day. Has also said “how about the parking spot though” about 30 times so far
- Asked husband for my water from the kitchen and he said “I don’t see it” so I was like “I don’t believe u” so he started angrily searching for it grumbling “don’t believe me, why would I lie what would I gain from it” under his breath for 10 mins. Anyways the water was next to me
- Got home from his 60 hour work week and immediately started painting 3yo’s nails because she asked him to. Uniform still on and everything. I’m shaking I’m sweating things are happening to my body
- Did a crab write thisIts illegal to help baby sea turtles escape predators if u dont have a permit. If you see this you have to leave it alone and respect the natural order of things
00:00 - Is that your brothermy brother is doing research in ecuador this summer and he just sent me this pic
- 6yo keeps going “hello sir, do you work here?” every time the cat walks by. Another great bit. She’s getting more powerful by the day
- 6yo said “can you just make sure you always pack me a banana for school? (friend’s name) brings one too and we do banana phones at lunch” lmao. banana phones. Great bit
- husband walking around the house singing Radioactive by Imagine Dragons for some reason but he’s saying “ready for action, ready for action” so I yelled IT’S RADIOACTIVE THE SONG IS RADIOACTIVE and he stopped and quietly said “you dont know. You’ve never imagined a single dragon”
- my mom (50F, divorced) called me back, absolutely giddy, to tell me she saw the neighbor she has a huge crush on (but has never spoken to) working outside in is yard, so she decided to bring him some of the sweet potatoes she had made for dinner, and then she said verbatim..
- 5yo lost her first tooth. keeps calling herself “no-tooth”. whenever she walks into a room she announces her entrance with “uh oh, look out everyone, here comes no-tooth…” unbelievable bit to do on yourself
- Husband built a fire in the firepit then stared at it with his hands on his hips for 5 mins and said “fire is so sick. cavemen must’ve been so pumped”
- the older I get the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these mfs quite often
