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Bris Bristofferson
54.2K posts
Bris Bristofferson
@killakow
if you think these tweets are bad, imagine living with them stuck inside your head
those clowns in congress
Joined February 2010
- It’s June 24, 2011. I’m in a movie theater, watching Cars 2. In 10 minutes, I will spill a can of baked beans
- TED LASSO: Waystar Royco, huh? Well I don’t know why you’d make me CEO—I can hardly tell EPS from IBS, but what I can tell you is that I love you all very much and like the fella Rick Astley said I’m never gonna give you up KENDALL ROY: Hugo, have this man executed
- MALCOLM GLADWELL: Bill, I had an epiphany last week. I was in a movie theater, seeing Cars 2—a terrific film, by the way—while eating baked beans. I was rebuked loudly for it. It made me think, “why do we look down upon savory snacks?” Then it hit me: Healthcare should cost more
- did you not fucking tell all-stars to get paid
- Just bet my 401K on the Eagles winning the Lions/Falcons playoff matchup
- hello I’m a fruit cart vendor in a movie. I hope no one fucks up my fruit today!!
- you: I love mean girls me: I think median girls gives you a better representation of the data
- “Grand slam” is such a cool phrase for what that is. They nailed it
- You laugh, but this is how baseball has worked on purpose for 100 yearsThe three-point lines are different on each side of the court in Portland for the Elite Eight. The NCAA measured pregame and confirmed one side is a different three-point length than the other. 🤦 NC State and Texas agreed to play through it. 🏀 #MarchMadness
00:00 - Phoebe Bridgers crowd just cheered for having abandonment issues. She could say anything out here man
