KB (@kbnoswag) / X

11.6K posts

@kbnoswag

Joined May 2012

KB
@kbnoswag
Mar 20, 2018
“Please get a job” my mom desperately cries from outside my room as I strategically photoshop an image of something I like on the Krusty Krab, and something I dislike on the Chum Bucket. She’s completely oblivious to the amount of retweets I’ll be compensated for this masterpiece
KB
@kbnoswag
Feb 22, 2018
My step dad told me it was pointless to apply to med school bc I was “too stupid to be a doctor” 8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom
KB
@kbnoswag
Dec 3, 2019
My girlfriend was in a horrid mood because someone stole her brand new $2,799 MacBook Pro so I bought her chick-fil-a waffle fries with the money I made from pawning it and let her touch my dick/balls & now she’s good as new. That’s all it takes fellas
KB
@kbnoswag
May 21, 2018
College girls on twitter aggressively fantasizing about being 40 year old moms who do regular activities with their fictional families is one of the most bizarre social media trends
KB
@kbnoswag
Dec 13, 2017
Your mcm took 60mg of adderall and drank an entire 32oz can of Monster just to study for his Intro to Biology final that’s tomorrow morning. He’s in the library right now sweating profusely and writing the definition of “nucleus” on a flashcard. He needs a 118% to pass the class
KB
@kbnoswag
Dec 16, 2019
Love how this bracket is just a bunch of random Twitter weirdos, and then I have to go up against a breakout celebrity superstar with 6 Grammy nominations
thomas
@iucipur
Dec 15, 2019
BEST TWITTER USER OF 2019
KB
@kbnoswag
Jun 8, 2018
I hate flexing on twitter but I just finessed a crockpot and a ouija board from my neighbor’s garage sale for only $10 if anyone wants to come over and summon evil spirits while I slow cook vegetable stew for us
KB
@kbnoswag
Aug 14, 2017
This man bought his girl $1.30 chips and quoted some Tim McGraw lyrics and now he's a national hero to white girls on twitter
KB
@kbnoswag
Mar 13, 2018
Imagine being blown away by the beauty of your son’s prom date and feeling genuinely proud of him for the first time in years, and then finding out that she’s a local instagram model and he needed 100,000 retweets in order to go with her
KB
@kbnoswag
Jul 28, 2018
I tried this and now I’m at Denny’s with her and the guy she had sex with last night
Zac
@ZacKrauss
Jul 26, 2018
Instead of hitting her with that 2am text for sex, hit her with that 8am text for breakfast
KB
@kbnoswag
Feb 23, 2019
Is it an exaggeration to say that this girl doesn’t deserve to live anymore?
KB
@kbnoswag
Nov 28, 2016
KB
@kbnoswag
Dec 2, 2019
Everyone who retweeted shit like this in 2012 is an assistant high school football coach with multiple DUIs and an extremely active Facebook account now
KB
@kbnoswag
Nov 20, 2019
Mike Posner really spent 6 months walking 2,800 miles across the United States and overcame a debilitating rattlesnake bite along the way, and a few people were like “that’s crazyy” then instantly forgot about his existence