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Jared Freid
@jtrain56
Pre-order my book WALKING RED FLAG, out June 2!
Instagram: @jaredfreid
Joined March 2009
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    Table For One Tour CONTINUES! LA for the @NetflixIsAJoke festival (Use code JOKES for presale). Shows added in Salt Lake City, Tempe, NYC, Seattle, and Boston! Assemble the group chat! If you’ve had fun at the show tag a friend who should go! #standup #comedy #netflix
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    It’s “How did this person afford this trip to Europe?” month on Instagram.
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    Nothing is scarier to someone above the age of 30 and having a relaxing drink than watching a DJ start setting up.
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    Rams Fans are like, “Ya it would be cool if we won. When’s the game?” And Bengals fans are like “IF WE WIN MY GRANDFATHER’S SOUL WILL BE FREED!!!”
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    I will be saying, “It’s 930 but it would’ve been 1030” to myself for the next 3 months.
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    America’s overall response to covid can be summed up by a vaccination card that isn’t wallet sized.
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    No, your girlfriend isn’t on her period. She didn’t get Taylor Swift tickets. There will be two times of the month this month. Act accordingly.
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    Live shot of A-Rod during the halftime show:
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    Me in my bed with the AC on high:
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    You can tell what episode of #LoveIsBlind someone is on based on who they like. Someone just told me they love Kenneth and I’m like “Oh you’re in the pods still.”
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    Drunk me running to the bathroom to puke:
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    This halftime is the best thing to happen to Kendrick Lamar and the worst thing to happen to anyone who has to explain what’s going on right now to their parents. #SuperBowl
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    Trump offering 5k to have a baby is like your grandfather giving you $20 for books at college.
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    Your dad in front of the thermostat: