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john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
@johnvvariety
CUBAN-RUSSIAN MISSILE CRISIS / DISCO EX MACHINA / RED WIDOWER / JOHN V. VARIETY NEW LP (debuted on tour w/ John Maus!) OUT NOW @ STREAM/TAPE/Etc.// SINGLE SOON
BK / BX
Joined September 2013
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    My new LP, shortly after we sold out of it on tour, has had its initial single chosen as a PITCHFORK SELECT!!! We've broken 1k! This is unthinkable! Thank you @JOHNMAUS for this insane exposure! Tapes shipping, CDs being made. Single clip below, buy on bandcamp/stream on all! Xox
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    My older friend was in undergrad on 9/11. And he he got up late & class was cancelled, and he went to check the TV but there was a crowd. So he tried to see a movie but it was cancelled, increasing his irritation. I want to write a show where he just keeps almost discovering 9/11
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    There are tears running down my face. This website is like a parking garage full of meth addicts
    I Bought $250,000 Worth of Physical Nickels No, that’s not a typo. That’s 5 million coins. 55,000 pounds of American metal stacked in boxes from a local bank vault — an asset the government literally can’t print anymore. Most people would call it insane. But let me explain the
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    THe hottest foreplay dirty talk you can do is to tell a girl that you're hard for the first time ever and it's scaring you, and you start screaming
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    Vishnu bud you’re gonna want to sit down for this
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    Love the Alex Jones lawyer who leaked his whole phone sitting there motionless trying to look like “The Thinker”. This is 100% what I would do
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    A really mean thing you can do to people is send them the link to this video and say "This made me think of you and your sense of humor"
    It’s a Jorts Summer!! And it’s also Will Ferrell's birthday. You know what has to be done.
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    You are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna hang out with DC political journalists on Bluesky instead of watching the guy trying to make himself into a real life vampire take a heroic dose of psilocybin mushrooms and face his vanity in Hell
    Doing magic mushrooms this Sunday. Protocol + dose: 5 grams + frequency: 1x/mo for 3 mo + objective: exploring longevity effects Measurement + 249 independent biomarkers + 29 vials of blood + brain scans + urine, stool, saliva, fertility + multi-omics profiling (DNA,
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    Replying to @johnvvariety
    Like there's cliffhangers, he's at an airport bar going to a retreat alone for whatever reason and he's about to see 9/11 news on TV but he meets a strange woman who leads him to a card game. Keeps getting 9s & 11s, almost finding it in his subconscious.. Giving myself goosebumps
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    therapist: Do you ever think about suicide Me: Never me alone later: (chopping onions and singing idly to myself) 🎶 I love to kill myself because it's so cool / I'm gonna kill myself in suicide school
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    Jar Jar Binks is the most astounding character ever created. To even apply a race when calling him racist makes you racist. It’s like racism quicksand. George Lucas was a very specific kind of genius
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    This site rocks post-apocalypse. It's a fucking warzone. Look at this shit. These "twin grandmas move in". What the fuck does that mean. Are they both widows? These viral garbage bait prompts are becoming Ulysses to me
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    Conner O’Malley coming in hot with the quote of 2025—“Every moment of life is annoying and it’s barely enjoyable to be here”
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