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john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
@johnvvariety
CUBAN-RUSSIAN MISSILE CRISIS / DISCO EX MACHINA / RED WIDOWER / JOHN V. VARIETY NEW LP (debuted on tour w/ John Maus!) OUT NOW @ STREAM/TAPE/Etc.// SINGLE SOON
BK / BX
johnvvariety.nyc
Joined September 2013
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Oct 24, 2025
    My new LP, shortly after we sold out of it on tour, has had its initial single chosen as a PITCHFORK SELECT!!! We've broken 1k! This is unthinkable! Thank you @JOHNMAUS for this insane exposure! Tapes shipping, CDs being made. Single clip below, buy on bandcamp/stream on all! Xox
    00:00
    95K
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Aug 23, 2022
    My older friend was in undergrad on 9/11. And he he got up late & class was cancelled, and he went to check the TV but there was a crowd. So he tried to see a movie but it was cancelled, increasing his irritation. I want to write a show where he just keeps almost discovering 9/11
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Oct 20, 2025
    There are tears running down my face. This website is like a parking garage full of meth addicts
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    Kyle Mitchell
    @opinioncasino
    Oct 19, 2025
    I Bought $250,000 Worth of Physical Nickels No, that’s not a typo. That’s 5 million coins. 55,000 pounds of American metal stacked in boxes from a local bank vault — an asset the government literally can’t print anymore. Most people would call it insane. But let me explain the
    8.9M
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    May 23, 2022
    THe hottest foreplay dirty talk you can do is to tell a girl that you're hard for the first time ever and it's scaring you, and you start screaming
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Nov 20, 2024
    Vishnu bud you’re gonna want to sit down for this
    4.9M
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Aug 3, 2022
    Love the Alex Jones lawyer who leaked his whole phone sitting there motionless trying to look like “The Thinker”. This is 100% what I would do
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Dec 16, 2021
    New CDC campaign is honestly pretty good
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Jul 18, 2025
    A really mean thing you can do to people is send them the link to this video and say "This made me think of you and your sense of humor"
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    Jimmy Fallon
    @jimmyfallon
    Jul 16, 2025
    It’s a Jorts Summer!! And it’s also Will Ferrell's birthday. You know what has to be done.
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    2M
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Nov 8, 2025
    You are out of your fucking mind if you think I'm gonna hang out with DC political journalists on Bluesky instead of watching the guy trying to make himself into a real life vampire take a heroic dose of psilocybin mushrooms and face his vanity in Hell
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    Bryan Johnson
    @bryan_johnson
    Nov 7, 2025
    Doing magic mushrooms this Sunday. Protocol + dose: 5 grams + frequency: 1x/mo for 3 mo + objective: exploring longevity effects Measurement + 249 independent biomarkers + 29 vials of blood + brain scans + urine, stool, saliva, fertility + multi-omics profiling (DNA,
    1.4M
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Aug 23, 2022
    Replying to @johnvvariety
    Like there's cliffhangers, he's at an airport bar going to a retreat alone for whatever reason and he's about to see 9/11 news on TV but he meets a strange woman who leads him to a card game. Keeps getting 9s & 11s, almost finding it in his subconscious.. Giving myself goosebumps
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Aug 1, 2024
    therapist: Do you ever think about suicide Me: Never me alone later: (chopping onions and singing idly to myself) 🎶 I love to kill myself because it's so cool / I'm gonna kill myself in suicide school
    667K
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Jul 10, 2023
    Jar Jar Binks is the most astounding character ever created. To even apply a race when calling him racist makes you racist. It’s like racism quicksand. George Lucas was a very specific kind of genius
    942K
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Jan 13, 2024
    This site rocks post-apocalypse. It's a fucking warzone. Look at this shit. These "twin grandmas move in". What the fuck does that mean. Are they both widows? These viral garbage bait prompts are becoming Ulysses to me
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    🌹One Less Lonely Girl🌹
    @QandAvenue
    Jan 10, 2024
    Fellas, what’s your next move??
    671K
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    john v. variety ❤️.U.∞ OUT NOW
    @johnvvariety
    Feb 26, 2025
    Conner O’Malley coming in hot with the quote of 2025—“Every moment of life is annoying and it’s barely enjoyable to be here”
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    832K