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Here’s something I wrote for my newborn son.
One day I’ll take you to the football.
You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.
James McNicholas
14.3K posts
James McNicholas
@jamesmcnicholas
comedian & footy writer | ★★★★ The Guardian ★★★★ The Times ★★★★ The Scotsman | @unitedagents | 📕 'THE CHAMP & THE CHUMP' is out now! Link in bio.
London
Joined December 2008
- my wife unplugs our toaster every time she gets something out of it because she's scared of electricity & every time i try and toast something i forget & put bread in only to come back after 2 mins to find untoasted toast and honestly i think this might be what ends our marriage
- One day I’ll take you to the football. You’ll be cold, and ask me which team we are. I’ll buy a programme for you, but it’ll be me that keeps it in a drawer forever.
- The country just willingly elected Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. We can’t laugh at America anymore, or anywhere else. This is stupidity on a scale we’ve never seen. This country is so, so, so, so fucked.
00:00- Replying to @jamesmcnicholasAnd one day I’ll wonder at how I knew all this After just one day. But for now, That one day Is more than enough.
- Well, the hipsters have finally done it: they've put an Instagram filter on London. #REDSUN #apocalypse #ophelia
- Noticed my accountant's surname had changed so emailed to ask if she'd recently got married and offer my many congratulations. She got divorced.
- So angry with Liam Neeson that I just went out and thumped an Irish person
- Went to Marseille to visit the infamous La Castellane estate where Zinedine Zidane grew up. The purpose was to research this article for @TheAthleticFC: theathletic.com/3940814/2022/1… Didn’t go entirely to plan. Fortunately, I documented it in video form. 🧵
00:00 - if I was on #LoveIsland and a new girl came in I’d go right up to her and demand to know what was happening in the World Cup
- A few years ago a bloke approached me and told me he’d written a feature film and I was perfect for the lead. I read the script and at the end the character wanks off a dog
