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Danya
6,978 posts
people are really calling me a slut for taking birth control. i take birth control because it regulates my periods. i dm leo dicaprio and paul rudd for a threesome every day because i’m a slut.- my sister was worried about bringing her girlfriend to thanksgiving because she hasn’t come out to our conservative, texan, retired preacher, grandfather. so i turned on gold rush on discovery channel and he didn’t even blink for like 4 hours
- *in hell* satan: dude you gotta stop following me around me: I don't know anyone else here I feel awkward
- me: i love sleepovers doctor: this isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the hospital me: then why do I have this nightgown doctor: that’s a hospital gown me: truth or dare doctor: me: doctor: dare
- “when did u get so political” man people are dying how are YOU not political
- next time your man dies in call of duty, say “that guy is totally using an aimbot” and get ready for the best sex of your life
- crocs but thigh high
- if you ever hate yourself just remember that last year i hosted thanksgiving for my family and i told them to park in the wrong spot and every single persons car got towed
- men will live off of taco bell and bang energy and still ask for a blowjob as if their cum isn’t going to burn a hole straight through my esophagus. i’m still gonna do it tho, come here my lil chernobyl mutation
- i thought the weirdest part about getting a brazilian wax was going to be a stranger looking at my vagina but no, it was when she said “knees to your chest” so she could look at my asshole
- we did it girlsWomen are now binge drinking more than men for first time in history 👀
