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Django Gold
@django
comedic entity // formerly for Colbert, the Onion // watch BAG OF TRICKS, link below
New York, NY
Joined July 2011
Posts
  • Pinned
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    My debut stand-up special BAG OF TRICKS is now available to watch, link in bio. An hour of laughter, tears, and invaluable moral guidance. Give it a watch, give it a like, leave a nice comment, share it with some/all of your friends. A labor of love! I hope you enjoy it.
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    looking back on it, it's even funnier how those celebrities decided it was time to sing us that "Imagine" montage after being stuck inside for like 36 hours
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    paying $23 for a lukewarm hamburger delivered by a guy who has never had health insurance, our economy is running flawlessly
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    we are days -- perhaps hours -- away from learning whether Trump thinks Biden's VP is attractive
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    note to self - don’t live my life in such a way that when I’m gunned down in the street the consensus public opinion is: “good”
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    you gotta close the blinds in this scenario
    uncredited cover art for "My Teacher Is an Alien" by Bruce Coville, 1989
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    when I die, please bury me in whatever T-shirt it would be funniest for a skeleton to be wearing
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    Pornhub should do its own version of the Spotify thing
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    this Chris D'Elia shit is wild, but I guess it's always the first person you suspect
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    I know things are looking pretty rough right now, but I'm hoping that this helps :)
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    - so, wait, back in 2024 did you have any indication that the U.S. was descending into authoritarianism? - yeah, we'd usually get two or three warnings every week or so
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    people in front of you in line love being like, “and what is a ‘bagel?’”
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    hey guys, I think I figured out the secret to the Dalai Lama's serenity
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    right now Boeing is having an emergency, all-night strategy meeting in which they're trying to choose between recalling all their planes or killing like 70 more people