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Django Gold
@django
comedic entity // formerly for Colbert, the Onion // watch BAG OF TRICKS, link below
New York, NY
linktr.ee/djangoindustri…
Joined July 2011
1,243
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  • Pinned
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Sep 14, 2023
    My debut stand-up special BAG OF TRICKS is now available to watch, link in bio. An hour of laughter, tears, and invaluable moral guidance. Give it a watch, give it a like, leave a nice comment, share it with some/all of your friends. A labor of love! I hope you enjoy it.
    00:00
    833K
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    May 5, 2020
    looking back on it, it's even funnier how those celebrities decided it was time to sing us that "Imagine" montage after being stuck inside for like 36 hours
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Feb 14, 2021
    paying $23 for a lukewarm hamburger delivered by a guy who has never had health insurance, our economy is running flawlessly
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Aug 11, 2020
    we are days -- perhaps hours -- away from learning whether Trump thinks Biden's VP is attractive
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Dec 4, 2024
    note to self - don’t live my life in such a way that when I’m gunned down in the street the consensus public opinion is: “good”
    947K
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Mar 9, 2025
    you gotta close the blinds in this scenario
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    COSMIC 🖖🏾 SLOP
    @afrocosmist
    Mar 9, 2025
    uncredited cover art for "My Teacher Is an Alien" by Bruce Coville, 1989
    2.2M
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Dec 9, 2021
    when I die, please bury me in whatever T-shirt it would be funniest for a skeleton to be wearing
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Dec 2, 2020
    Pornhub should do its own version of the Spotify thing
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Jun 17, 2020
    this Chris D'Elia shit is wild, but I guess it's always the first person you suspect
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Nov 8, 2024
    I know things are looking pretty rough right now, but I'm hoping that this helps :)
    00:00
    7.5M
  • user avatar
    Django Gold
    @django
    Jul 1, 2024
    - so, wait, back in 2024 did you have any indication that the U.S. was descending into authoritarianism? - yeah, we'd usually get two or three warnings every week or so
    943K
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Sep 24, 2022
    people in front of you in line love being like, “and what is a ‘bagel?’”
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Jan 30, 2018
    hey guys, I think I figured out the secret to the Dalai Lama's serenity
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    Django Gold
    @django
    Mar 12, 2024
    right now Boeing is having an emergency, all-night strategy meeting in which they're trying to choose between recalling all their planes or killing like 70 more people
    2.3M