Pinned
me: I just want 2 minutes of privacy in the bathroom
my kid: best I can do is a paleontology lecture
meghan
91K posts
meghan
@deloisivete
surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
- 7yo: who's that me: that's Jesus' mom Mary 7yo: oh yeah Mary Christmas me: 7yo: that's their last name
- A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need
- Why are you, a restaurant website, gatekeeping your online menu by making me choose delivery or pick-up, when I merely need to mentally rehearse my drive-thru order
- My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself
- My 7yo announced that the most boring toy to receive would be one lego, so now there’s a big family discussion about how many legos you’d need to tip over into the fun category
- My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead
- Didn't realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered "sure is gettin' tall"
- I did not realize how much of my adult life would be spent thinking about protein
- It's too late, I sat down on the couch after work, go on without me
- My mom asked what my office does for faxing since we're completely remote, so I had to tell her we're actually located in 2024
- My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself
- Thoughts for my 6yo who is making difficult decisions in the zoo gift shop and muttering to himself “it’s not my last time here, it’s not my last time here”
