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it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.
dan
32.4K posts
dan
@dadopotamus
phrenologist. croissant enthusiast.
- My autistic son says very few words but today, he said “hug” and then wrapped his arms around me. I only cried for about 15 minutes.
- my mom has been using 💦 to describe crying and when I told her to stop it, she made me tell her why and now it’s so quiet in here.
- I manage a grocery store. I gotta say. You’re all giant scumbags.
- my favorite part of the day is when no one around me is making any noise.
- why can’t politicians raise $80 million in 24 hours to help the homeless and hungry?
- Replying to @dadopotamusCrazy how many of you confuse “Manager” with “Owner”.
- Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I don’t even know why I exist.
- Women that don’t wear bras are disgusting. They’re just asking for attention. Cover up. No one needs to see that. Women better not reply to this tweet with photos of them not wearing bras or I will be so fucking mad.
- Bill Belichick definitely met his girlfriend while searching for escorts.
- I let my intrusive thoughts take over when I said “Jesus Christ” after a woman told me she was here for her sons 40th birthday after telling me she was 55.
- *overhears someone talking shit about me* oh, I couldn’t agree more.
- Sex is great and all but have you ever had a woman apologize to you for being wrong?