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My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now when she's mad at me I just say "Linda wouldn't get mad about that."
Daddy Go Fish
51.6K posts
Daddy Go Fish
@daddygofish
world-class cardboard box breaker downer.
- me: did you have fun on your playdate? my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
- my sister-in-law: I'm having a hard time finding happiness. my 10yo: you should go to the corner store and get a blue slurpee.
- my 9yo: don’t you think church would be waaay better if they had a snack bar? me: me, later to my wife: don’t you think church would be waaay better if they had a snack bar?
- How can I keep track? 🤣
- We ran into my wife’s close friend on our neighborhood walk which allowed me 45 minutes to stare at a fire hydrant.
- Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates.
- Marriage is amazing because you learn lots of things about yourself. For example, today I learned that my favorite shade of beige curtains is I DON’T CARE PLEASE JUST PICK ONE I’M IN HELL
- My 7yo has three aunts. He calls them Auntie Ice Cream, Auntie Lego, and Auntie Pam. Time to step up your auntie game, Pam.
- My 9yo wanted to be a doctor but now he wants to be an Australian breakdancer. Thanks, Olympics.
- 8yo: daddy what’s your best talent? me: hmm I don’t know, maybe being a dad? 8yo: no that’s not it
- Guys night out, but it's just me and my neighbor rolling out our garbage bins at the same time.
- I drank my wife’s white claw before my fantasy football draft and now I’m only picking players with cute tushies