Pinned
Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.
SpacedMom
43.9K posts
SpacedMom
@copymama
Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cusses
- My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”
- Hate when you send a work email and feel relived to put the ball in someone else’s court but then they write back like 10 minutes later and you’re like GODDAMMIT
- Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.
- I’m convinced no one actually has a place to wear any of the fancy sparkly outfits that fashion brands promote for New Year’s Eve and it’s all just a lie being pushed by Big Sequin
- Hey, Lady Gaga. I know your fan base would probably revolt, but can you please hire the Goo Goo Dolls as your opening act so you can call it the Goo Goo Gaga Tour? Thanks in advance for your consideration.
- My 14yo asked me to get her ice cream “as a reward for existing,” and honestly? Valid.
- Newlyweds: “I love resting my head on your chest and hearing your heart beat as I drift off to sleep.” Married 15 years: “I recorded you snoring so you can hear how fucking loud it is.”
- A 5th grader at my daughter’s school is making his own animated series and hiring kids to do voices for it and holding Zoom auditions and my daughter missed her audition and was freaking out like "I really need this job!!!" and emailed the kid to reschedule and I am RIVETED
- 5yo: Does everyone in the world have kids? Me: No, some people decide they don’t want to have them. 5: I don’t want kids. Me: Why not? 5: They’re a lot of work. Me: Then why don’t you be less difficult for me? 5: Well, you decided to have kids.
- When school ended I was like "YES, no more making lunches for my kids!" and then they were like "we still need you to feed us lunch every day" and I was like WTF
- At the beach and my husband has made friends with the family next to us so now I have to file for divorce
- My kid’s wish list at age 6: An adorably misspelled handwritten request for toys My kid’s wish list at age 14: A professionally designed slideshow with links to big-ticket items that ends with the phrase “open your hearts and your wallets”
- A truck is here to cut a giant tree down in my neighbor’s yard, so now my husband has to cancel all his plans and stand by the window for the next 2 hours.