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Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
@callybeaton
⭐️ 2026 TOUR & BOOK Namaste Motherf*ckers • Live at the Apollo • QI • ⭐️ No longer active on X - find me on Instagram/Bluesky/Facebook/Threads 🙏🏻
Camden Town, London
callybeaton.com
Joined December 2014
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Jun 22, 2018
    Today my son leaves uni with a first. My primate-loving, unconventional, autistic son, who was bullied, unfriended & who struggled through school, is taking his lifelong passion for animals & making a career out of it. Neurodiversity - as important as any other kind.
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    May 28, 2021
    Today my son got a job as a zookeeper. My primate-loving, unconventional, autistic son, who has not had the easiest of times in life, has got his break & can now take his lifelong passion for animals & make a career out of it. Neurodiversity - as important as any other kind.
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Feb 9, 2023
    Just lost most lucrative job of career so went for walk & woman said she loved my coat & I loved her coat & we had best chat & she was being so nice I started crying ‘cos I’m menopausal & I’d lost job & then she started crying ‘cos she’s got a newborn & her hormones are fucked 🙏🏻
    1.2M
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    May 16, 2024
    Lifetime achievement mansplain alert: Arrived to give a speech. Holding slide had me down as Carry Beaton, so I said I was Cally, if they could change it. The guy said he’d been told it’s definitely Carry. I said no, it’s me - I’m Cally so it does need changing. He showed me an
    1.6M
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Oct 2, 2021
    30 years ago, I was raped during a 12 hour ordeal. He wasn’t a police officer. But the misogyny & consequent shame that resulted from my treatment by (all male) officers when I went to report it the next morning has stayed with me as long as the act itself. Enough #EnoughIsEnough
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Dec 22, 2020
    In Dutch press today, caption: ‘the British mutation’ #PlagueIsland
  • user avatar
    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Jun 25, 2019
    Post gig analysis, big thank you to man in 2nd row: ‘Can I give you a bit of feedback? You don’t need the bit about mansplaining. You’re funny without that stuff’
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    May 30, 2020
    Will you look at my front bloomage
  • user avatar
    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Aug 26, 2021
    Michael Gove just tried to match with me on a dating app. What a time to be alive.
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Jul 10, 2024
    Dad's just heard his cancer surgery was a success and he doesn't need chemo (aka at 80 it's as likely it would kill as cure him). We're taking that as a win. Dad for President.
    16K
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Jul 2, 2024
    Remember reading an article when I was 29 saying that 30 was the cut-off for wearing a short skirt. As a 55 year old I say… wear what you f**king like.
    22K
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Aug 3, 2023
    Just got back to house earlier than expected to find dogsitter having sex (with another human) & found myself apologising. How British.
    133K
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    May 19, 2024
    Did fundraiser last night at a local school. After my set this really lovely woman came up & said she’d loved my menopause stuff as she’s a GP specialising in menopause. I said, blimey we could do with someone like you at my GP practice, where do you work? Turns out she is my GP.
    34K
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    Cally Beaton ON TOUR NOW
    @callybeaton
    Feb 20, 2023
    Group of young male teens, one getting picked on & told ‘you look like a lesbian’. I bowled over & said ‘I’m a lesbian’. (Technically bisexual but that seemed best response.) They stopped. Then one of them said ‘stop disrespecting that lesbian’. I feel some good has come of this.
    52K