it takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way. only after you give up everything, can you begin to find a way to be happy.
and it breaks your heart again, after your heart was so broken that you thought it could never get any more broken. you thought it was safe. but it still somehow finds a new way to break.
as you know, i was hurt. but then i realised that’s just how you are, you know, and maybe i just need to stop expecting you to be a good person so that way, i won’t get hurt when you’re not.
suddenly you realise, you’ll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though though you’d never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance.
i’m sorry for making your life more difficult this week and also always. also, i know that my apologies are pretty much meaningless at this point, and i’m sorry for that too.