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Bess Kalb
19.1K posts
Bess Kalb
@bessbell
Writer and producer of TV and movie and books and children.
Joined April 2009
- Oh no the debate is cancelled due to the catastrophic mishandling of a pandemic how will we know which candidate to vote for?
- This election is a tough call because one candidate was endorsed by both the Taliban and the KKK and the other was endorsed by a broad bipartisan coalition and the New England Journal of Medicine.
- In elementary school my team lost unfairly in a game of dodgeball because the other side hit our last man standing in the head and I challenged it and our PE teacher said “In a year you won’t remember this game” and I said “What’s the date?” and he said “April 11th.” Here we are.
- GOP: NO ABORTION! Us: Yikes ok then birth control? GOP: NOOO Us: Wait so maternity care? GOP: LOL FUCK U! Us: Childcare? GOP: ASSAULT RIFLES
- My heart goes out to Mike Pence and the entire Pence family on the tragic news of the upcoming Vice Presidential debate.
- Men are too emotional to be president.
- If men got pregnant they'd sell abortion mints at every grocery store checkout next to the Altoids.
- I say this as a Jewish person who lost family in the camps. Trump holding a rally in Tulsa on Juneteenth is like holding a rally at the gates of Auschwitz on Holocaust Remembrance Day.
- Last year at a party a writer I respect called my pregnant stomach a “career ender” and now I’m the head writer of a show I sold to a major network and yesterday I signed the deal paying me to write a movie based on the book I finished 5 weeks postpartum so DO YOU LIKE APPLES?
- Hey if you could spare a prayer for my 2-year-old right now, his granola bar wrapper was pulled down slightly too low and it’s unclear if a recovery from this is possible.
- I am an undecided voter. Do I go with the slick eyeliner man who recites his slogans and shouts over women until they have to cut his mic, or the nice man who wants to give us healthcare.
- A friend's male assistant is a fake email account she runs because people called her "difficult" and "impossible" for having small windows of availability until "he" started running interference and then people just accepted she was fucking busy. I AM VERY INTO THIS.
- My dad is an ICU doctor treating COVID-19 patients. In the past WEEK he has set more “I’ve never seen a heart rate/RBC count/etc. like this” records than in his decades-long career. What this virus does to the body is like “sticking your finger in an electric socket.” Stay home.