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I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park
Melissa
64K posts
Melissa
@awkwardenabled
This place is wild.
- Hello I just picked my son up from school and thought his teacher was moving to hug me but she was going to hug my son and we ended up in a three person hug and she said “oh okay” so I’m gonna go die now
- Every time I get pulled over I immediately think the cop is going to find the drugs I don’t have in my car
- Walked into my living room and found my 4 yr old watching tv and eating pizza Me: bud, why are you eating pizza? 4: I was hungry Me: well, yeah. I mean it’s 7am, why didn’t you grab a yogurt or something? 4: because there was pizza
- I am so sick of seeing “IYKYK” I never know, just tell me
- When I heard “woods” I immediately think murder. But when I hear “forest” it’s all woodland creatures and fairies so don’t tell me words don’t matter
- We’re just a bunch of grown ups who never fulfilled our childhood dream of becoming a marine biologist
- My husband was so mad that rabbits were getting into his marijuana plants but all I can picture is high little bunnies just hopping all around
- Real love is accepting your kid’s ornament placement even though it's always fucking wrong.
- Took my son to Target to use gift card money. He bought a chess set and slippers and decided against a toy because he didn’t want to waste money on something he probably wouldn’t really use so looks like I’m raising a fiscally responsible little old man
- I gave my parents my Hulu and Netflix passwords and it made me feel oddly powerful. Like, thanks for financially taking care of me for so long, here’s a treat
- Clarissa didn’t explain shit
- Twitter fam. I have a big interview today and I’m N E R V O U S. Can I get some positive vibes?
- My right eye is -3.50 and my left is -2.75 if you’re looking for a girl who won’t see your red flags