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Alyssa Limperis
19.3K posts
Alyssa Limperis
@alyssalimp
actress & comedian, Sydney on Flatbush Misdemeanors on Showtime, No Bad Days on Peacock insta: bit.ly/2CddTpn contact: [email protected]
- Weird that March is next month when March was also last month
- The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17
- me: should I get bangs or go to therapy my friends: therapy me: x.com/humorandanimal…
- When I say I’ll do something tomorrow and then it’s tomorrow
GIF - January 1st: anything is possible January 2nd: but not today
- I’m ONE clothing purchase away from being happy I bet
- Having leftovers as a kid: this is the worst day of my LIFE!!! Having leftovers as an adult: the gods have shined brightly on me today. I will always remember this moment and the chilled salty taste of this glorious, lifesaving vegetable pad Thai
- pre-isolation: ah there's a bug in here kill it!!! now: hello Kendra the bug welcome to our home may we interest you in a glass of wine
- my body: please we are begging you to eat a vegetable or drink a single glass of water me looking at the christmas cookie tray:
- trying to hype myself when I can’t afford an uber
- “It’s 9am somewhere” -me having my first sip of water at 2pm
- Has there ever been a lyric more real than “the years start coming and they don’t stop coming”
