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why is my body keeping the score??? i thought we were just playing for the love of the game
Alex Murdoch
3,722 posts
Alex Murdoch
@alexgmurd
stand up comic and the world's first woman
- i’ve started reading before bed instead of scrolling twitter and not only am i sleeping really well, but i also think i’m better than everyone
- visiting your parents’ house is all about sitting in the living room on your phone
- notes app apology coming soon. just know that in the meantime, i’m listening, learning, and committed to doing better❤️
- if casual hook up no in love with me.... why forehead kiss??????
- what if we pronounced aristotle like chipotle
- i’m at airport security and the guy in front of me just discovered his ticket says JFK and bless his heart cause we’re at laguardia
- you know what carrie? i CAN’T shoot whiskey and i DO prefer a fruity little drink. sue me!!!!!!!!!
- people who say “billie eyelash” have the same energy as dads in 2009 saying “justin beaver” trying to make their daughter’s friends laugh on the way to soccer practice
- zach stop...... zach stop, you’re gonna get in trouble
- deleting my dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (blacked out at a bar)
- "16 month situationship" ok not to victim blame but.............
- “this guy SUCKS and he treats me like SHIT!!! but i still hook up with him hehe” is our generation’s version of wine mom humor
- i think my biggest issue with dating apps is that by nature they eliminate a friends to lovers plot line