Pinned
SPOUSE: I have to work late Thursday
OUTER MONOLOGUE: I am going to miss you
INNER MONOLOGUE: I am going to eat something very stupid
actioncookbook
348 posts
- cool, boomers are killing healthcare and the planetMillennials are killing chains like Buffalo Wild Wings and Applebee's read.bi/2rk3FNX
- we do this for a matchup between two 3-8 AFC South teamsNo other country can do this
- Every article about a major retailer going bankrupt spends eight paragraphs musing “I guess millennials just don’t buy shirts?” before casually mentioning a private equity acquisition three years ago in one sentence at the end
- USERS: we love twitter but it has problems TWITTER: great we'll fix them USERS: do you want to know what they are TWITTER: absolutely not
- Replying to @actioncookbookUSERS: you're alienating the people who actually use your product TWITTER: likes are now florps USERS: what TWITTER: timeline goes sideways
- EUROPEANS: I don’t understand how so many Americans don’t have passports ALSO EUROPEANS: I am coming to the US for three days and I would like to see Disney World, the Grand Canyon, Hawaii and New York. Any advice?When I found out that a lot of Americans don’t have passports I was so shocked. I don’t know anybody that doesn’t have a passport here.
- Replying to @actioncookbookUSERS: could you at least look at addressing the pervasive harassment of women TWITTER [twirling like Maria von Trapp]: M O M E N T S
- [Gus Johnson commentating the 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in Sarajevo] Princip, stepping out of the crowd. Princip! PRINCIP. OHHHH. GAVRILO PRINCIP
- getting invited to be on a Netflix dating show called “Sex House” and just grilling burgers by the pool while everyone else has their horny drama
- [hears that the market crashed today] ME: uh-oh, I'd better go check my stocks [heads to backyard] BANKER: please let me out of these stocks ME: no
- AGE 25: lol why would anyone have kids in their 20s AGE 36: [pulls groin getting out of child-sized chair at library] oh I see
- have spent a lot of time and thought on bringing you this, the guidebook to my culture
