Pinned
[being chased by killer]
ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*
Rads
53K posts
Rads
@_radsy
Everything in moderation, except for snacks. twitch.tv/its_radsy
- once you reach a certain age if you pull an all-nighter, you die
- “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” damn sorry to hear that multiple people consider you a good friend
- babies born in the hospital are delivered, babies born at home are DiGiorno
- running into your old statistics professor be like “what are the chances”
- ME: god I love how you feel inside me SURGEON: why is she awake
- rip schroedinger he would have either loved or hated this
- THERAPIST: listen, I really need you to relax ME: *banging fists on table* BUT HOW CAN IT BE “BIRTHDAY CAKE” FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR
- AVRIL LAVIGNE: he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious POLICE SKETCH ARTIST:
- FRIEND: hey how are you? ME: I’m as happy as a clam [CUT TO] CLAM: *being cracked in half to make some mermaid’s bra* fukkkk yeeeeaaaahhhhhh BOOBS
- [4pm] today was a fulfilling day [2am] have I ever known true happiness
- SCOOBY: raggy, I’m scared SHAGGY: how about... a Scooby snack? [the gang tears up as the vet proceeds with the euthanasia]
