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No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
- All the funniest U.K. related content here
United Kingdom
Joined June 2019
80
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258.4K
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  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Sep 19, 2019
    brought brownies in for all my co workers. wasn’t cos i was being nice but cos i heard they were doing a random drugs test and i didn’t want to be the only dirty one so unless they plan on firing the whole staff force they better leave me the fuck alone
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    May 21, 2022
    “dad i’m walking out at wembely on play off finals day can i get a new pair of trainers? no son wear your school shoes”
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Apr 7, 2020
    if i had a pound for every time he looked at me i’d have 50p
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Feb 7, 2020
    phillip schofield lies to his wife and kids for 27 years and he’s labelled brave and a hero but when i lie to the missus about being on the gear one weekend i’m a cunt... double standards
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Dec 23, 2019
    rather just stick my cock down your throat to be honest jena
    user avatar
    Jena
    @jenafrumes
    Dec 23, 2019
    Wine🍷 while we watch the sunset anyone?
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Jan 2, 2020
    injury lawyers 4 u are shit. when our neighbours 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing our fence they told me to take photos of her gash. guess who’s in court tomorrow
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Apr 29, 2020
    just tested positive for wanting to slide tackle a goth
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Dec 30, 2019
    2019 stats: drug intake: approx 118g unpaid tick: £37.53 stole from sons money box: £94.52 paid son back: £0 lasses met on tinder: 27 lasses shagged from tinder: 27 written warnings: 7 turtle heads: 23 boxers with skid marks: 23 near scraps: 207 actual scraps: 1 scraps won: 0
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Jun 24, 2020
    dyslexic lives mattress
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Oct 21, 2019
    when you pour coke into a glass too quickly
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Jul 1, 2020
    we need a gulag for when cunts get kicked out of nightclubs winner gets back in
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Feb 24, 2022
    last thing russia wants is a bloke like me on the front line. nimble. quick hands. high score of 987 on them boxing machines. neighbours cower behind the curtains when i walk through the estate. unfortunately done my back in at work last week so will have to give it a miss. sick.
  • user avatar
    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Nov 10, 2019
    i went up to a random ginger lad and asked “if you had 7 girls phone numbers in one pocket and 8 in the other, what would you have?” he said “id have 15 girls phone numbers” i said “wrong, you’d have someone else’s trousers on you ginger cunt”
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    No Context UK 🇬🇧
    @UKNoContext
    Dec 10, 2019
    put MDMA in nanas tea so she could chew her dinner properly, absolute legend i am