TomHoefWrites (@TomHoefWrites) / X

TomHoefWrites

136.4K posts

TomHoefWrites

@TomHoefWrites

Playwright & Mets fan, & those are the 2 things I tweet about the most. Read my plays here (it’s free): newplayexchange.org/users/48738/to…

Brooklyn

Joined April 2016

Pinned
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Jun 24, 2024
I’m so very bad at self-promotion, but I have to reconcile that with my desire to see FANATICAL, my dark comedy play inspired by the darkest corners of #StarWars fandom, finally get produced & maybe sell more copies. So apologies for the shill, but… 🤷‍♂️😬
Fanatical
From broadwayplaypublishing.com
15K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 27, 2024
If you wanna keep rooting for Francisco Lindor, #Mets fans, you can’t vote for Trump. Sorry. You can’t vote for the guy who let them call Puerto Rico “a floating island of garbage” on his stage & still root for our star Puerto Rican shortstop. Them’s the rules. 🤷‍♂️ #LGM 🇵🇷
554K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Jan 29, 2022
Saw this tweet a few weeks ago: When you pull an all-nighter & attempt to function the next day in your 20's: "Gonna be a rough one!" When you pull an all-nighter & attempt to function the next day in your 30's: "I think I need to go to the hospital."
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Jun 18, 2024
Replying to @ninastarner
My favorite thing about Dan Radcliffe is, he was the biggest movie star in the world at like age 11 & he hasn’t used an ounce of that star power to become a blockbuster movie star, but instead continues to do theater & whatever other weird little projects his heart desires.
125K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Sep 6, 2021
Replying to @USConst_Amend_I
GOP: "LET FREE MARKETS REGULATE THEMSELVES!" FREE MARKETS: "We don't want shit to do with you." GOP: "FORCE FREE MARKETS TO AGREE WITH US!"
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 19, 2024
100K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 16, 2021
Replying to @heathergtv
My wife had both of our children via C-section. Dealing with the after-exhaustion of 9 months of pregnancy & labor & childbirth while caring for a newborn AND recovering from major surgery? Nah, why would she need help? 🙄
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
May 6, 2025
So the #Mets simply told Griffin Canning, “stop throwing your bad pitch so much & throw your good pitch more.” They just told Luis Severino, “Go to bed earlier & take daily vitamins.” And both of those things WORKED. What do other team’s coaching staffs even DO?! 🤣
167K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Apr 1, 2025
Replying to @baseddrengr
Every clip I see of this show is of an intelligent, educated, experienced expert getting slowly more exasperated & depressed by a circle of morons who don’t know how much they don’t know because they “do their own research” on YouTube & TikTok.
43K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Aug 2, 2025
Replying to @BIBlBIB
Everyone’s just waiting for the Disney+ drop now. These companies started streaming services and somehow are still perplexed that everyone’s waiting to watch movies on the thing they’re already paying for.
72K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 27, 2024
Replying to @AJDelgado13
The ONLY funny thing about that no-name hack’s warm-up set is that his vile, hateful bits about Puerto Rico, Latinos, & Blacks have emerged as THE October surprise that will trigger the Harris/Walz landslide. 🤣🤣🤣 Did they not vet this guy’s act?! 🤣🤣🤣
112K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 14, 2024
“Lindor struggled in the first year of his big contract… unlike Ohtani.” Are you kidding me?
81K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
Oct 1, 2024
David Peterson & Tylor Megill did what Jacob deGrom & Max Scherzer couldn’t. Baseball, man.
48K
TomHoefWrites
@TomHoefWrites
May 19, 2025
This basically sums up the NY baseball landscape at the moment. 🤣🤣🤣
81K