Pinned
My niece calls me Ankle.
I call her my Knees.
PUNS
10.1K posts
PUNS
@ThePunnyWorld
Follow for the most hilarious puns and dad jokes! Not affiliated with any of my tweets.
Joined May 2014
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
- "What are your dogs' names?" Me: "Calvin and Klein." "Isn't that a brand of underwear?" Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."
- Boss: How good are you at Power Point? Me: I Excel at it Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word
- Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii? Or just a low ha.
- My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus. Not only was I shocked, but I was appalled, aghast, and dismayed.
- I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals! IM LIVID.
- Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water. I was like, well dam.
- The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews. We only have one star.
- Where do rainbows go when they’re bad? Prism. It’s a light sentence
- How do you console an English teacher? There, their, they’re
- Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?” Dude 2: “Brochure”
- My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
- I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician. And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.