Don’t fucking talk to him like that
how do you have a receding hairline as a baby don't piss me off
Ted
15.5K posts
Ted
@Tedoffthegrid
Cashapp:teddycatherine Venmo: Teddycate PayPal: [email protected] dm for content inquiries
Joined June 2023
- Flirted with two guys separately and then found out they are best friends and they sent me a selfie of them together with no caption so I just sent back a voice note of me making train noises. Ball up top.
- The hardest part of being a parent to small children for me is the dumb questions. And it makes me feel like a monster but my kid asked why he couldn’t take a vase to daycare and I said “it’s glass you can’t” and he said “what if a wizard made it not glass” get out of my face
- I want to slam my phone into the ground and stomp on itA fawn curled up beside a fake deer which is used for target practice
- Every second that I’m not in bed I’m thinking about how badly I wanna be horizontal in bed and whenever I’m horizontal in bed I think yes I love being horizontal in my bed.
- Had a table of middle aged men that asked me my secret for my good skin and I said I was a vampire and then for the next 4 hours they acted like I was a standup comedian when I acted like a vampire and said generic lore as they interviewed me. It was like showing a caveman fire.
- I hate being someone who has been chronically depressed my entire life because at this point it’s just annoying and feels juvenile to spend weeks of my life consumed by the scaries again like “oh no I wanna die again” ok bitch grow up
- I am a firm believer that the only way to make life bearable is to flirt with everyone you encounter male or female, interested or not. Flirting doesn’t have to go further. It’s just fun to talk all whimsical and have banter with people. It gives your day razzle dazzle.
- I can’t believe I was in such an abusive relationship that I stopped using social media and downloaded candy crush instead and then my ex wouldn’t stop going through my candy crush and sneaking up on me to “catch me cheating with candy crush”. I should’ve turned into the joker.
- You’re here to exist not entertain.the concept of people getting bored of me terrifies me
- And they should be “yes ma'am”i think men should only be allowed 2 words a week
- I’m working on it
- The most symbiotic relationship I’ve ever witnessed was this little 6 year old neglected neighbor who would come over to my house & ask my alcoholic father for frozen waffles every day for like 3 years. I would come home and my dad would be feeding him frozen waffles.
- I think being in a relationship with someone who would berate me for hours until I cried and then get cozy in bed next to me sobbing and fall asleep peacefully without saying a word or acknowledging I was sobbing actually turned my brain to soup. Cause what was that
