Every day I ask my daughter what she did at school and the answer is always, “Just the usual”.
Received her end of year report and there’s a photo of her in a full beekeeper’s outfit surrounded by bees holding a shitload of honey.
Marty Lawrence
61.1K posts
Marty Lawrence
@TeaAndCopy
Social Creative Director. Shitposting 9-5. Shit posts 5-9. Once trended here, haven't been trendy since.
Joined May 2009
- I wondered why her grades were all Bs
- everyone on their third hour of watching the #OpeningCeremony
- ME: I'll see you in a month WIFE: Don't forget to write ME: It's highly unlikely I'd forget such a basic skill, Sharon
- ALEX JONES: Sandy Hook is a hoax, children were not murdered TWITTER: this doesn't violate our rules TWITTER USER: I want to fuck Tony The Tiger TWITTER: this violates our rules
- My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
- [sliding $10 towards DJ] please can you turn it down
- Even bathroom handwashes are telling me to visit a psychiatrist.
- TYLER: The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club ME: Yeah obviously haha [gets out phone]
- Samuel L Jackson starred in Snakes on a Plane despite travelling countless times on serpentless flightsJamie Lee Curtis wields firearms in new 'Halloween' movie despite advocating for gun control fxn.ws/2A2e3yx
- BECAUSE THEY COULDNT GET HOLD OF GUNS AS WE HAVE EXTREMELY TIGHT GUN CONTROL LAWS YOU TOWERING FUCK WOTSITDo you notice we are not having a gun debate right now? That's because they used knives and a truck!
