My wife thinks I'm at work …. My boss thinks I'm home sick …. These ducks think I'm fucking awesome because I have bread.
Tony P.
81.7K posts
- Remember before Amazon parents would go to Toys "R" Us and beat each other fucking senseless over the last Cabbage Patch Kid …. Good Times
- I am Tony’s wife and I am sending a message on his Twitter page. It is with my deepest regrets to let you know that Tony passed away 8/6/2025 here at home by my side. He loved this site and loved making everyone laugh. I am so lost without him and life won’t ever be the same.
- How old does someone have to be before you can officially call them a fucking asshole? Please say 6
- Snorted coke off a Mötley Crüe cassette case in the front seat of a lowered Escort GT at a Ratt concert back in 89’ we didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you now.
- Sober or not if a cop ask me to recite the alphabet backwards I’ll just put myself in the back seat of their car.
- Is it fucking Maybelline or not ?
- Boss is off today so that means I’ll be driving the forklift to the strip club at lunch
- This is the only guy who could have stolen your girlfriend and boyfriend and grandmother at the same time.
- My wife just asked me “ Do you notice anything different about me?” Now I’m scared as fuck
- I got drunk and threw up in a Porta Potty at a Poison concert back in 87’.... There was no Twitter back then, so I'm telling you guys now.
- I texted my wife “why are you upset” 4 hours ago and she has yet to stop typing.
- My wife wanted Wendy’s…. I did not want Wendy’s …. So we compromised and we’re having Wendy’s.
- I have hit rockbottom, I’m watching a Hallmark movie with my wife.