Pinned
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
*husband snores*
Me: "I can't live like this."
Stephanie Ortiz
12.8K posts
- I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit, in case you wondered what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.
- Me: “I’m going to crush it* today!” *Spoiler Alert: She did not crush it today. She ate a burrito in her car alone while crying along to Nine Inch Nails, and she will crush it tomorrow.
- Me:*spends 4hrs comparing gift prices on several sites to save $4* Also Me: *spends $33 on pizza b/c I shopped too long to cook $6 chicken*
- Me: *spends 4 hours comparing gift prices on several sites to save $4* Also Me: *spends $33 on pizza because I shopped too long to cook $6 chicken*
- Tonight we had tacos for dinner; one of the kids said she doesn’t like tacos, & I’m ready to give up on this parenting thing because I can’t work with people like this.
- Sure, new mom Kylie Jenner goes makeup-free for Vogue & everyone celebrates her. But when I go makeup-free to the grocery store, people are all, “Are you ok?? You look sick. You need sleep. And vitamins.”
- 8am: eats healthy breakfast 12pm: eats healthy lunch 6pm: eats healthy dinner 11pm: rips open bag of chips with teeth & straps it on like a feedbag
- Sure, iPhones are cool & all, but today’s kids will never experience the mind-blowing glee of the moment when a teacher handed out a new Scholastic Book order form.
- I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit, in case you wondered what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.
- I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my Chipotle order warm in case you wondered how seriously I take Taco Tuesday.
- Once I get back into shape, get out of debt, finish my laundry, reorganize my pantry, and learn to wake up to my morning alarm clock, it’s over for you bitches.
- Oh, you ran a 5K today? Cool. I buckled a toddler into a car seat twice today, so we both burned the same amount of calories.
- A corn maze, because the only thing more fun than taking six kids out in public is getting lost with six kids on an endless outdoor walk.