ShoolieW 🇬🇧 (@ShoolieW) / X

ShoolieW 🇬🇧

51.8K posts

ShoolieW 🇬🇧

@ShoolieW

Wrong side of 50 - Right side of not giving a damn. Politically homeless. Media approved expert advice taken with a healthy pinch of FO

Joined December 2021

ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 7, 2025
To the tosser in the BMW who flicked 2 fingers up at me and gave me a barrage of abuse this morning, after I tooted my horn at him as he drove at speed out of the Tesco carpark... Your coffee and briefcase are probably no longer on the roof of your car. 😉 Morning all! 😁x
283K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Nov 11, 2024
Someone just asked me what I did this weekend, like I'm some kind of intrepid Explorer. I'm 53, for goodness sake! I was mostly lying on the sofa scoffing maltesers and congratulating myself for putting my leg thru' my knickers without falling over! Morning all! 😁x
230K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Oct 7, 2025
I've been baking! Anyone for treacle tart with ginger and lemon pastry with homemade custard?
74K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Apr 12, 2024
When my husband left me, I felt depressed and lonely. But since then, I've bought a dog, got myself a motorbike, blown £1K on good times, and am thinking about starting an affair with the postman. He's going to go soddin' mental when he gets home from work. Morning all! 😁x
105K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 14, 2025
What a day!! Over 20 Valentine's cards, 4 boxes of chocolates, 3 bottles of bubbly, and an armful of flowers. I'm feeling utterly breathless!! I would have got more, but the security guard at Tesco was bloody quick on his feet! Morning all! 😁x
37K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Aug 26, 2025
After my husband died, I couldn't even look at another man for 10 years. But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say that it was totally worth it! 😉 Morning all! 😁x
49K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 21, 2024
My husband said he'd just heard that the postman has bedded every woman in our street apart from one! I replied, "I bet it's that snotty cow from number 25" Morning all! 😁x
63K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Jul 19, 2025
Spot of bother last night.. A gang of youths pestered me outside Tesco to go and buy them 20 Richmonds. They gave me £20 so foolishly I did. When I handed them over with their change, they got really aggressive. They can buy their own feckin sausages in future. Morning all 😁
37K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Mar 29, 2024
Just nipped up to Tesco, and upon leaving the store, I spotted £20 just lying on the ground. After a moment of internal conflict, I thought, "Come on Shoolie, it's Good Friday, just do what Jesus would do" So I went back in and turned it into wine! 🍷 Morning all! 😁x
35K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Mar 6, 2024
My husband asked how come I never farted whilst we were dating... I told him it was because I didn't acquire an arsehole until AFTER we were married! Morning all! 😁x
30K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Apr 14, 2024
Got woken at 7am this morning by the neighbour mowing his front lawn! It's not what I needed after a late night... I was going to have angry words, then thought, "Sod it, he'll just have to mow around me." Morning all! 😁x
22K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 8, 2024
My brother had a vasectomy a couple of years ago to ensure him and his wife wouldn't have any more kids... But apparently, all it does is change the colour of the baby! Morning all! 😁x
42K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 27, 2024
Had a great day yesterday... I got called "pretty" 😊 OK, so the full sentence was " You're pretty irritating". But I'm focusing on the positives! Morning all! 😁x
15K
ShoolieW 🇬🇧
@ShoolieW
Feb 24, 2025
The woman scanning my shopping yesterday was rude, miserable, and looked massively hungover! That's the last time I'm using a self scan checkout. Morning all! 😁x
11K