Okay, apparently we need to talk about the difference between types of power exchange since some of the BDSM tourists are spreading misinformation and confusing the newbies. This will be a 101 🧵 and I encourage EXPERIENCED players of any identity to contribute.
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In the context of BDSM, “topping”, "bottoming", “Dominance”, "submission", “switching”, and "Total Power Exchange (TPE)" each refer to different types of power dynamics.
**Topping** generally refers to the act of giving physical sensations and does not necessarily involve power exchange.
**Bottoming** typically refers to the act of receiving physical sensations rather than the power dynamic. A bottom may have control over the scene and direct what actions are taking place. This can look like “topping from the bottom” if there has not been clear communication of expectations beforehand.
**Submission**, or the “s” in D/s, is a power exchange where the submissive gives up control to their Dominant partner within negotiated limits for a certain period of time. Giving up control can look like many different things- from having no say in what they wear one day, to what happens to their body, to more risky activities that I will not be listing because this is 101 information we’re discussing right now.
**Dominance**, the big “D” in the D/s dynamic, is a form of power exchange where the submissive consensually gives some level of control to the Dominant partner within negotiated limits for a certain period of time. The level of control can vary greatly, from minor decisions to more significant ones as described above.
**Total Power Exchange (TPE)**, aka 24/7 relationship, is a type of power dynamic where the submissive partner consensually gives up their autonomy to the dominant partner in all aspects of their life, not just during BDSM scenes. This type of relationship requires a high level of trust, communication, and energy. While plenty of people enjoy the fantasy of this dynamic, the reality looks much different than that depicted in erotica and the challenges that come along with it are more intense than in a typical D/s dynamic with a set end to play time.
**A “Switch”** is a person who can take on the role of either a top or Dominant, or a bottom or submissive, depending on the situation and negotiations between everyone involved. **They are valid in the roles they take on.** The notion that there is only one correct way to be a Dominant, a submissive, or any variation of is rooted in misinformation and old guard practices that have since been scrutinized for their lack of risk assessment and management.
Kink is customizable for the people involved. There is no “one-true-way” to do anything. In fact, the only thing that binds us together as a broader community is the understanding of explicit consent needed to engage in risky, alternative behaviors and lifestyles. That’s it.
I hope this helps in your future communications for what you want or need out of a kinky dynamic with a partner or partners!