Just a reminder that your favorite breakfast food enjoys gentle baths.
00:00
Nikki Glaser
29.9K posts
Nikki Glaser
@NikkiGlaser
comedian with my own reality series “Welcome Home Nikki Glaser?” that starts May 1st on E! I also do a podcast, tour, and host fboy island.
- Theee years ago today my dad asked my mom for chapstick and she handed him lipstick. He didn’t know for about 20 mins and was so touched that I suddenly wanted so many father/daughter pictures.
- If you’re rich and don’t tip at least 20% I hope you never find love
- Wait, remember when Will laughed at first?
- Nothing hotter than this dude rn
- Open relationships seem healthy
- My ultimate fantasy is telling a stranger, “you need to wear a mask” and as they go off about fake news and hoaxes, I say “oh no, I’m sorry, it’s because you’re ugly.”
- Tonight’s Oscars proved that Hollywood is alive and well, still doing what it does best: protecting and celebrating disgusting behavior! 🎥🎉
- Me for 2-3 days every month for my entire adult life: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Everything is hopeless. I hate my body, skin, and life. I just want to quit everything and give up. Nothing matters. What is going on with me?!” My vagina one minute later: “blood”
- Watching the St. Louis local news last night, my parents spotted some white men pushing peaceful black protesters into cops.
00:00 - The way everyone was on board at the end. Gross gross gross
- Please fav if 98% of your screenshots are accidental bc you’re trying to turn the volume up and need some grip on the other side
- MY FULL ROAST SET ICYMI 🔥🔥🔥🔥
- Need a new Taylor Swift album stat. It’s been 3 weeks. This is some bullshit
