Pinned
Saw someone with "my warm up is your work out" shirt. Well, my casual drinking is your alcohol poisoning so fuck you.
Nick Swardson
7,798 posts
- A long time ago we made a small movie that bombed and our fans found it on DVD. Thank you!! I love you. My fav. Let’s fucking rage ❤️ shittttssss weak!!!🎬MOVIE HISTORY: 17 years ago today, January 6, 2006, the movie ‘Grandma’s Boy’ opened in theaters! #AllenCovert #NickSwardson #DorisRoberts #ShirleyJones @lindacardellini #ShirleyKnight #PeterDante #JoelMoore #KevinNealon #JonahHill @RobSchneider #DavidSpade @NickGoossen
- When I read comments online that I look fat and they’re from dudes. Um....hey guys, yep, I’m 42. I don’t look 22 anymore. Maybe dial it down like you’re a fucking runway model in Milan. You live in Iowa and free base Pop Tarts. Shut the fuck up. #NeckPillow
- Un-FUCKING-real.... crazy game. Cheers to the Saints. Hill was almost going to win that game on his own. Go Vikes.
00:00 - Just casually woke up on TMZ. Travel tip: don’t drink and take edibles in high altitude. Fucking brain diarrhea. I’ll make it up to you Beaver Creek! ❤️
- I’m sobbing at the bar. Tears down my face. Respect to the @Saints
- If the Vikings lose tomorrow I’m going to put a live grenade into my dick shaft and pull the pin in front of my mom.
- Burger King has 10 chicken nuggets for a dollar. A gumball is 25 cents. 10 would be 2.50$. What the fuck is in that chicken? I’m fucking scared.
- Hi, I picked the Vikings to be 12-2 on camera on @RichEisenShow. @espn @PatMcAfeeShow. So many shows saying “nobody picked this or saw this coming!” I did… I F***ING DID. And I’m on roller skates. 😂 SKOL VIKES.
- Sad about Hugh Hefner. So young. Never got to have sex.
- Quit drinking so I rip a morning dart from time to time. And my team isn’t playing so I wore my Golden Girls jacket. Go Betty White! Happy birthday.
- My buddy reminded me of a moment in high school when my friend Karl looked at his asshole in the mirror of his girlfriends parents house. He stood on the sink to look at it and the sink broke off the wall and he knocked himself out on the tub. Happy Tuesday.
- Hey, everyone, I’m back on social. Had a rough summer and health scare. Everything is fine now but holy shit. CO and UT I’ll be back if you’ll still have me. SKOL Vikes tomorrow. Love ya!
