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Parody Ken Clarke
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Parody Ken Clarke
@MrKennethClarke
Parody. Former MP & Cabinet Minister. Now a Lord. Enjoy listening to jazz, birdwatching and going down the pub.
Joined July 2018
- I've been sat up in bed for hours, whisky on the bedside table, soft jazz playing in the background, trying to think if I've ever worked with a more idiotic bunch of self centred bastards in my nearly 50 years as a MP. Nope, still can't think of any. Time for another bottle.
- My better plan for Brexit: Remain
- If the answer is Boris Johnson, you haven’t understood the question.
- Just bumped into Suella Braverman who said to me “traitors like you are why we are in this mess.” She didn’t like it when I asked her to put that into an email.
- Surprised to hear the Chancellor calling for musicians to retrain and get new jobs when you look at what a mess the singer Dido is making of NHS Track & Trace.
- Quite a sight in Parliament. Nadine Dorries is hysterical and attacking colleagues. Jacob Rees-Mogg is trying to calm her down and has poured her a whisky in the tea room repeating the words “Que Sera, Sera.” I’m in the corner with a glass of champagne trying not to laugh.
- BREAKING: The Government.
- Reports are coming in that the Brexit Bus has run out of fuel.
- Sir Jonathan Van-Tam to leave his role as England's deputy chief medical officer. Let’s hope Boris Johnson follows the science.
- I can’t get a train (strikes), plane (Brexit) or use my car (petrol prices) tomorrow. Can I borrow your horse and cart please @Jacob_Rees_Mogg?
- Does anyone else wake up sometimes in complete disbelief that Boris Johnson is our Prime Minister? I suspect Boris himself does. The man couldn’t run a bath.
- It must come as a surprise to Brexiteers that countries, who are members of the EU, can make unilateral decisions to the close their borders to the UK. Minds blown!
- Sir Gavin Williamson, for services to himself.