Friend to me: Holy guacamole, I have to get home. My phone just alerted me the roomba is stalled and might catch on fire!
Me: Oh wow, let me know what happens.
What happened:
Janet Reid
64.2K posts
Janet Reid
@Janet_Reid
By day I'm a literary agent in NYC.
By night I'm the QueryShark.
My favorite color is fuchsia.
I love maps, interrobangs, and twisty plot lines.
- If your query describes male characters by what they do, and female characters by what they look like I'm drawing some conclusions about your novel that don't help you at all.
- Just got an email withdrawing a requested full "because I haven't heard from you, so I assume you're not interested, or just lazy." Well, ok, I was just about to send you an update on my next reading retreat; glad to find out we're not a match without reading another word!
- In your query bio: I never EVER want to see you dismiss your work as a parent. It is the most important and profound thing you will do in your life. Even if you invent time travel in your spare time.
- I have signed and SOLD authors with more than 33 rejections.Still querying my broken little heart out, but it is very hard to have hope after 33 rejections. If 33 people don't like something, why is the 34th person suddenly going to like it? Can 33 people be wrong? #amwriting #amquerying Feeling discouraged. #writingcommunity
- When a writer tells me a character is "hurling through space" I often ask "on a vomit comet?" Hardly anyone gets the joke. Do you?
- If the only thing in your query about a female character is that she is "beautiful", I now stop reading. Auto pass. I'm just tired of this, all y'all. So damn tired.
- There are times when I'm reading queries and just want to reach through the screen and shriek "PLOT!!! Tell me about the plot!" Key info: what problem does the MC face?
- At this point, I don't care what the movie is. If I see Alan Rickman is in it, I'm watching it. I miss him probably like you do: A LOT
- Best writing advice ever: "I'm not going to say any more than I have to, if that." --Chili Palmer
- I use a place holder sentence while I'm working on pitch letters: "I think this is a good fit for your list cause this is a terrific book and you're not an idiot." And then one nice day, I forgot to revise it out. You'll find me hiding under my desk.
- I'm reading queries and just realized I am 100% done with, and over "bad boys" particularly adult men who act like idiots in novels. Particularly those with long suffering (enabling) wives/girlfriends/daughters.
- I can't believe I need to say this AGAIN! Please do not, under any circumstances, email clients to ask what I'm like to work with BEFORE YOU'VE GOTTEN AN OFFER or even queried!! They tell me about it, and your name goes on my list of people I don't want to work with. Ever.
- Someone just queried me and 308 other people in a single email. How do I know the exact number? Cause one of those 308 hit reply all to reject the query. These are the times I miss snail mail queries.
