Pinned
Her: Who's your favourite literary vampire?
Me: The one in Sesame Street
Her: He doesn't count
Me: I can assure you that he does
Andy Ryan
159.2K posts
- I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ices to them all then asked me "Who are you?". I realised the rest were all her family. 30 years later I still cringe.
- Daughter: What does gays mean? Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'? Me: Er... read me the whole sentence Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze" Me: Oh
- George Lucas: This scene is set in the roughest bar you can imagine, filled with violent scumbags who'll cut your arm off if you look at them sideways John Williams: What kind of music will they be playing? George Lucas: Light jazz
- Is kayak the only palindrome where the object it describes also looks the same backwards?
- I just met the saddest German I've ever known, Hans down
- Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said "Sure, they're great".
- We decided to get a little house for our cats to shelter in when it was raining. Here it is. This is not our cat.
- Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat Ratatouille hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold
- Spoilers for The Batman: 1. He smells 2. Robin lays an egg.
- Ha ha look at Sam Smith, can't believe the silly clothes, wots the world coming to - this generation eh?
- Publisher: So you've given us a book about a big friendly giant, one about an enormous crocodile, and another where a granny takes a magic medicine and grows as big as a house. What's new? Roald Dahl: There's this peach... Publisher: Is it - Roald Dahl: It's fucking huge
