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I'm tweeting less as, like most comics and other narcissists, I'm spending more time creating online content. If you want to see more, please look me up on instagram where I'm @hcruttenden
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Hal Cruttenden
25.4K posts
Hal Cruttenden
@Halcruttenden
Stand up comedian, actor and writer, whose new tour starts in September 2025. I’m hcruttenden on Instagram and Hal Cruttenden on Facebook
- Daughter walking on pavement down a quiet road. A van beeps a few times as it drives by (something that happens to her frequently). She got the plate and the company name and has emailed them. If you're a man who harasses lone women. They're not taking it any more. #ProudDad
- I have never seen anyone who looks more Tory than this man…😂🤣
- Why didn't you marry an English wife? Sometimes, only someone from outside the country will take on the impossible jobs....Why can't we have an English manager?
- Now we have a 18 year old player as great as #EmmaRaducanu , let’s look after her. When tabloid papers, TV or radio start doing stories about her that are not about her tennis, boycott them.
- A family who have journalists constantly outside their house accept a donation from a rich friend so they can move somewhere where their son isn't bothered during his GCSEs. No cost to taxpayer. The fact this counts as a scandal shows how the right control the press. Ridiculous.
- Leavers always say that Remainers have never got over losing the Brexit Referendum. In my case, they’re absolutely right. I hope I never get over it and never stop being ashamed of that monumentally stupid decision.
- Reminds me of certain areas in Northern Ireland. When people feel insecure about their identity, they need to do this. It’s a sign of weakness not strength.Loving this. A Union Jack flying proudly from every lamppost.
00:00 - Did I rightly hear Sunak make a dig about Starmer being out of touch in North London? Starmer worked in public service all his life and rose to the top from a working class background. Sunak's a public schoolboy former banker who married a billionaire's daughter.😂🤣 #PMQs
- As a nearly divorced man, I have good and bad days. I try to comfort myself that I have not reacted to my wife leaving me quite as badly as Laurence Fox has.
- Notice the fuss about the non-English football manager. We’ve had two before, of course, but we weren’t such a terrified little country back then. The rise of the far right has made us smaller and more stupid.
- You cannot parody the Far Right. They just do it for you…This explains my politics perfectly! ✝️
- Dear Right Wingers, I know ‘Nazi’ is short for ‘National Socialist’. It doesn’t mean they were actual socialists. In the same way that Conservatives don’t ‘conserve’ things - they’re destroying the NHS, the BBC, the fabric of our society, our international reputation etc etc….
- She’s like a pied piper for bellends.
