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Eli McCann
@EliMcCann
New dad. Lawyer/Writer/America’s Grandma. Humor columnist for @sltrib. Host of the Strangerville podcast. Humor essays here: itjustgetsstranger.com
Salt Lake City, Utah
linktr.ee/Elimccann
Born May 18
Joined December 2012
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  • Pinned
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jan 17, 2023
    I've been meaning to put together a highlight reel for my pinned tweet like a high school football player who wants to keep doing sports as a grownup, or whatever. So here it is.
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Aug 2, 2020
    For my second date with my husband we met in NYC and went to a party and ended up at a McDonald's at 3:00 AM where he reached across the table, grabbed my hands, looked at me adoringly, and said "I hate this. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00. Do not expect this of me again."
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Mar 7, 2020
    YOU GUYS. I just saw the most wild thing! A man started walking toward the Girl Scouts cookie stand in front of the grocery store and he yelled “my bitches are BACK” and this Girl Scout just yelled “no. Walk away.” AND HE DID.
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    May 17, 2025
    My niece and I share a birthday. She's turning 22 tomorrow and every year I try to ask her to take a backseat.
    6.6M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Mar 6, 2025
    My husband has been on his work trip for less than 24 hours and it turns out he really misses our baby.
    4.3M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jun 14, 2024
    We are at an adult "pool party" and my husband put on his bathing suit before we came here and I tried to explain to him that no one was actually going to be swimming. Anyway, he is now in the pool by himself while everyone else is standing around the edges sipping cocktails.
    9M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jun 26, 2022
    My devout Mormon parents called me just now to ask how we are feeling in light of calls to overturn Obergefell. I told them that we’ll have to move if that happens and my mom said “find a place big enough for us because if this state invalidates your marriage, we’re moving too.”
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Dec 20, 2024
    So we decided not to bother buying Christmas gifts for our newborn because he doesn't even know he has hands yet and we have enough baby stuff as it is but I did go Christmas shopping for our dogs because they believe in Santa so basically that's where we are right now.
    4.7M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Dec 21, 2024
    Every Christmas my parents write an individual letter to each of their children, sons in law, and grandchildren to tell them how proud they are of them and tonight my newborn got his letter and it was 2 pages single spaced and this kid hasn't even done anything yet.
    2.3M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Aug 2, 2020
    For my second date with my husband we met in NYC and went to a party and ended up at a McDonald's at 3:00 AM where he reached across the table, grabbed my hands, looked at me adoringly, and said "I hate this. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00. Do not expect this of me again."
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jun 20, 2025
    My husband has been taking our baby on walks and coming home with both of them soaking wet, telling me they found a splash pad for kids. I finally went with him the other night. It was not a splash pad. This grown man has been climbing into a public fountain with our child.
    2.4M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Oct 16, 2022
    Yesterday I was at my grandma's doctor appointment with her and the physician started lecturing her on cutting back on sugar and she interrupted him and said "I am 90. I think I'm doing ok but thanks for the advice."
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jan 28, 2025
    My husband is cleaning out our baking cabinet and he just said to me "how attached are you to these nine bags of hardened brown sugar? Let me know if one of these is a family heirloom." And I felt that shade down to my core.
    2.8M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Dec 22, 2024
    This morning my husband joked to my dad "you're going to be responsible for introducing our baby to sports and other straight dude hobbies" and my sweet father responded "well, in my experience they just come how they come and your only job is to enjoy whoever they are."
    1.5M
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    Eli McCann
    @EliMcCann
    Jul 12, 2025
    My husband and I just hosted a little party for his coworkers and their families and as one of the families left, their six-year-old came up to me and said "next time you do a party, please try to have more fun things for kids to do." We love honest feedback.
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