Pinned
Everybody you meet is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Attack them. Now they’re fighting two battles
jon drake
107.6K posts
jon drake
@DrakeGatsby
I only take up a little of the collapsing space. 1/2 of @blastzonepod
- “Nobody wants to work anymore” personally I have never wanted to work
- Me: This pizza is really good! Somebody Who Visited Italy With Their Family For A Week When They Were 14: *sighs* It’s fine...
- If my son wants apple juice, I give him half water and half apple juice but the juice I buy is already watered down. The first time this kid has a glass of full sugar apple juice he’s gonna fucking powerbomb me through our coffee table.
- “im just vibing” you have not eaten a vegetable in 17 days
- Saying “See you next year!” on December 31st - Corny and annoying - Everybody hates you - Seriously this joke sucks Saying “See you next year!” on January 31st - Mysterious - Are you going on a long adventure? - You may not understand how years work
- My son is sick so his voice is all congested-sounding and he asked me for crepes for breakfast. So I googled a crepe recipe, made a crepe even though I never have before. Put it down in front of him and he was like “these are grapes?” He just wanted some grapes.
- “Time flies when you’re having fun” sir it is March 144th I am in so much pain
- It really is insane that every single person with a cell phone deals with several attempted scams every day and we’ve just accepted that it’s part of our lives forever
- It’s my Roomba’s birthday so I’m bringing him to the beach and I’m just gonna let him go crazy
- Normalize faking your own death and starting a new life as a mysterious but respected bartender in a quiet coastal New England town
