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Chloe Petts
@ChloePetts
Stand-up comedian and football lout. Enquiries: avalonuk.com/clients/chloe-…
avalonuk.com/clients/chloe-…
Joined July 2009
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11K
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  • Pinned
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Jun 19, 2023
    🚨 READ ALL ABOUT IT 🚨 Transience is finished but I’m ready to do it all over again with my new show If You Can’t Say Anything Nice at the Edinburgh Fringe. Sick poster (📷 by the incredible Matt Stronge). Grab yourself some tickets pleasance.co.uk/event/chloe-pe…
    97K
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Apr 5, 2020
    Told my mum she was the best mum in the world this morning and she goes ‘well what about my mum?’ so now I’m sat here having to slag off gran to save an argument
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Nov 27, 2020
    Mum was genuinely upset when she found out Nicola Adams was dancing with a woman on Strictly coz she hoped I would one day be part of the first same sex coupling on the show. Then she said wistfully ‘well I suppose you’ll just have to be the first women to lift Anton Du Beke’
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Sep 4, 2022
    There’s a bunch of men on social media that like to ‘insult’ me by saying I look like Tom from Blossoms, the man that I literally style myself on, the man whose picture I kiss each night in a locket I wear about my neck. An honour to be compared to that delicate English rose
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Jun 27, 2023
    It’s my greatest regret in life that when Cheryl was in A Ghost Story I didn’t tweet 2:22 much of anything can make you sick
    74K
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Mar 27, 2021
    Babe, are you ok? I said BBC Sounds and you didn’t say Music, Radio, Podcasts
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    May 5, 2022
    I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say thank the actual fuck: theguardian.com/stage/2022/may…
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Oct 3, 2022
    Just checked and they don’t mean the Leicester number 10 just fyi
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    Lance Cooper
    @lmauricecpr
    Oct 2, 2022
    James Madison raped his half-sister who was a slave, had a son with her, then sold his child into slavery when he was a teenager and y’all mad at Lizzo for playing his flute?
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Sep 19, 2022
    Since when was Princess Anne a power lesbian
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Nov 28, 2020
    Me ordering 6 pints at the pub next Friday:
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Mar 19, 2022
    Your 10 year old self would tell you to fuck off then pretend you pushed her over
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Sep 3, 2022
    It’s got my fondue set and binoculars inside as well
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Mar 4, 2022
    The sight of a boy whose about to lose 10-1 at table football
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    Chloe Petts
    @ChloePetts
    Apr 6, 2022
    Ffs