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Chino
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Chino
@ChinoUTD
Football fiction & satire only | Pure banter for laughs | Don’t believe a word | Sponsored by @rainbetcom
Satire
Born April 1
Joined October 2016
🚨 | Toni Kroos on the Ballon d’Or “Call it the midfielder bias, but if Portugal lift the Nations League, just hand Vitinha the Ballon d’Or. Plays hide and seek in midfield, pops up everywhere, IQ off the charts. Criminally underrated, he's my pick"- 🚨 Rio Ferdinand: “Truth is, at 19 Van Dijk wasn’t Yoro… he was just tall with nice hair. Yoro at 19 already plays like he’s got 10 years in the game. CBs usually peak at 27, but he’s ahead of schedule...versatility, composure, IQ. He’s the real deal.”
- 🚨 Rio Ferdinand on Fermin Lopez “He’s not in the Premier League so people don’t realise how good he is. That boy doesn’t just play football... he embarrasses players. If United get him, that’s a Palmer type baller… maybe even more techy”
- 🚨 | Pep Guardiola on Maguire's assist vs Bilbao: “I’ve managed legends... Puyol, Kompany, Dias but I’ve never seen a defender assist with that level of unintentional genius. What Maguire did last night can't be coached.” x.com/unitedhan/stat…
- 🚨 | Patrice Evra on Zirkzee “Bro's that guy who looks like he’s jogging through a match... then casually ruins defenders lives. He’s not a target man, he’s a vibe. You could sign Osimhen, Cunha and Mbeumo ..maybe even prime Drogba, Zirkzee still cooks.
- 🚨 | Luis Enrique on Vitinha “Sometimes I watch Vitinha and think, this isn’t my tactics, this is PlayStation. He glides, controls the tempo, makes the pitch his living room. If Rodri won a Ballon d’Or last season, then Vitinha deserves one... Easily"
- 🚨 Schweinsteiger: “Every time I watch Olise, I ask myself how Yamal is ‘the best in the world.’ Talent wise, Olise clears him. Feels like Barca’s PR dept is working harder than their midfield. Stop forcing the next Messi...it’s giving Disney+ trailer.”
- 🚨 | Roy Keane on Jamie Vardy "Fair play to Vardy. Man turned down Arsenal, stayed at Leicester and became a legend. Had he joined Arsenal, we'd probably be arguing if he's better than Welbeck. Sometimes loyalty isn't stupidity, it's just... survival."
- 🚨 | Andy Cole on Man United “United don’t need miracles... just two player types. A striker who moves smart and finishes like he's holding grudges… and a Vitinha-type midfielder who constantly shows for the ball and has the IQ to dictate play” x.com/Thscomps12/sta…
- 🚨 Rooney: “Under Fergie we didn’t play football, we hunted. Teams saw us in the tunnel and folded, scared stiff. Mark me? Fine, but who’s stopping Ronaldo? Who’s handling Tevez? And our midfield? Relentless dogs. Fergie built killers, not players.”
- 🚨 Bruno: “Saw Mbeumo in training passing too much. I pulled him aside. I said, ‘You’re not here to play safe, you’re here to hurt teams.’ I remember how he tormented us at Brentford. Tonight, he lit Brighton up. I know I'll make a good manager (laughs)” x.com/GarwayneP/stat…
- 🚨 | Jose Mourinho on his favourite player at United: "People will scream Case or Bruno, fair guesses. But I like Zirkzee. Unique profile, elegant with the ball, humble too. Only problem? He treats goals like charity work. I'd have that fixed in a week" x.com/theburner17/st…
- 🚨 | Beckham on Rashford “Hard to hear him call Yamal the best when I remember how electric he was at 17. Not sure if it’s flattery or a pitch to Barca. My advice? Cut the noise, find that fire again & go light it up at United or Madrid. You 27, not 40" x.com/BSTCompsV4/sta…
