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“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?”
- my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
Average Dad
18K posts
Average Dad
@Average_Dad1
Just an average man trying to be an average dad. instagram.com/average_dad1
- My wife deleted social media off her phone recently. Today I caught her scrolling through her venmo feed like an alcoholic drinking listerine.
- What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like “hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow”
- Heard another dad at the park refer to the approaching ice cream truck as the music truck. His kid didn’t make one mention of ice cream, just said “oh cool, I love the music truck!” I was stunned. Absolutely brilliant.
- Jesus: for behold I have ris- Easter bunny: *crunching on carrots* Jesus: uhhhhh… Easter bunny: *hiding eggs* Jesus: ??? Easter bunny: oh don’t mind me, I’m gonna be taking things in a slightly different direction, love what you’re doing though, mad respect
- I asked my wife to share her queen sized blanket to which she replied she was a queen and therefore the blanket was already at max capacity
- Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them
- Half of parenting is just moving cups away from the edge of the table
- “Your daughter has been training the other children to cry on demand, seemingly in order to disrupt the class” is among the many things that parenting books have not prepared me for
- My pregnant wife asked for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part
- My wife teaches high school math and half of her time is spent just making sure that none of the math problems she gives to the kids end up with an answer of 69 or 420
- If you do one little thing that a toddler thinks is funny they will bully you into repeatedly doing it for the rest of your life
- Replying to @Average_Dad1To all you rural people saying rooster, what about us urban folk?
- My 5yo was trying to convince me to do something and said “if you don’t do it I’m gonna go to my room and go to sleep!” Not the threat she thought it was