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you can just say things, it doesn't even need to make sense. my barista told me she's upping her sertraline dose and I said "that's so art deco" and she agreed.
Audrey Porne
71.8K posts
Audrey Porne
@AudreyPorne
Your goth cousin's friend. Standup comedian in NZ. Ngāi tahu. I love horror and spooky things 👻🔪🩸
- if you knew me before my 20s, you never actually knew me. you knew season 1 me. we were severely underfunded and the writing team was going through a lot.
- hate when people say "if u think this is better than sex, u haven't had good sex!", like no, maybe you've just never had good lasagna, Carol
- what straignt men wanted in 1979: women who like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain what straight men want in 2019: must be ten times hotter than me but NOT know it. can fit entire meatball sub in mouth but NOT in a slutty way. SIZE TWO. LOVES sex but is a VIRGIN.
- [first glass of wine] mmm nice. let's listen to jazz [second glass of wine] *struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
New: Idaho Republicans have blocked a bill to make tampons available for students, calling it “woke.” One Republican lawmaker said, “You don’t have to be a woman to understand the absurdity of this policy.” huffpost.com/entry/idaho-re…- realistic people: period products should be free for students men in their 50s: if girls get free tampons, my 21 year old son Brandon shouldn't have to pay for nunchuck lessons
- women aren't weak. I discreetly waxed my ankles during a phone interview once and didn't drop one hint. you think this shit is a game? I'll eat your husband.
- Damn boy, are you a bra? Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you
- if Cameron Diaz can have a baby at 47, I can have ketamine at 30
- Depression is wild. I have a home, a bed, food, warm clothes, nice things. But I also have a nasty voice in my head that tells me I should drive myself into the ocean and some of the time my response is "tru"
