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Jon
@ArfMeasures
I'm only on season 3 of the news. No spoilers please.
Somewhere
bsky.app/profile/arfmea…
Joined February 2015
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Nov 14, 2024
    Like all the cool kids, I'm on Blue Sky these days
    Jon (@arfmeasures.bsky.social)
    From bsky.app
    9.5K
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Jul 30, 2020
    Her: I actually think Ratatouille is a boring movie Me *shakes head at waiter bringing the engagement ring*
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Oct 28, 2019
    Netflix: Should I play this movie? Me: No no I'm just looking at it for a second Netflix: I'll put it on Me: I'm just literally reading what it is Netflix: It's playing :)
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Jan 12, 2021
    *takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Oct 18, 2019
    Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder? McDonalds Boss: Again *rubs temples* you don't need to put Mc in front of words Me: Oh ok *turns back to customer* welcome to Donalds
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Dec 8, 2019
    Gmail: Someone has signed into your account! Me: Yeah that was me Gmail: No it was on another device! Me: Yes my tablet Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?! Me: what no Gmail: CALL THE POLICE
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Jun 4, 2018
    GOD: 8 ANGEL: 9! GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk ANGEL: 10 lol GOD: 15!! ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25 GOD: 30!! CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL ANGEL: LMAO
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Mar 9, 2020
    Interviewer: Why do you want to work for Facebook? Me: I'm keen on protecting people's data and want them to have a good user experience Interviewer: Me: Interviewer: Me: haha I'm joking I don't give a shit Interviewer: haha omg I was like whaaatttt lmao
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Dec 13, 2018
    Date: What do you do? Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Jan 29, 2019
    Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because you like me Cop: omg shut up I do not
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Apr 30, 2018
    Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat*
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    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Jan 3, 2018
    ME: *realises I've just stepped on an ant* oh no JOHN WICK: Has anyone seen my pet ant? ME: OH NO
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    Apr 24, 2019
    Hozier *gets into Uber* Driver: lol I can guess where you want me to take you Hozier: Starbucks, please Driver *visibly disappointed* right
  • user avatar
    Jon
    @ArfMeasures
    May 14, 2019
    Me: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches Wife: ok just throw them out [Later] Me *helping the kids pack a suitcase* look I'm as surprised as you are