Pinned
One fish you can't trust is a muskie. There are others of course, but the muskie is the main one.
Annie Hatfield
489K posts
Annie Hatfield
@AnneHatfieldVO
Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful.
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Joined February 2015
- Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
- Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let’s see what else is lying around first.
- What I learned: the neighbors’ dog is not the neighbors’ dog Why it's important: the number of times I've put the dog back in their yard
- Mom taught us that “shut up” was the worst thing you could ever say to someone. But I had bigger dreams.
- Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
- No, I don't have a bathrobe. I'm not some billionaire.
- We've been suckered into thinking we must have an opinion on everything. There’s just so much I don’t care about.
- The card you sent said "Peace on Earth" but the glitter on my hand says you have made a powerful enemy.
- To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.
- You started this staring contest, grocery store toddler, but I'll finish it.
- *takes your face in my hands* I will never know the lyrics to Come on Eileen. But--look at me--I will never stop singing it AS IF I DO.
- 2,635 consecutive days of turning on the garbage disposal instead of the light over the sink.
- I've been embarrassed since the age of five. Not continually, but thoroughly.