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Alex Borstein
@AlexBorstein
If every chick sat down when using a public toilet then we could all sit down. Hovering only leads to your piss on the seat. Stop it.
Joined June 2012
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    Hear that fellas? Your sack is just a melty vagina.🎈
    The 'stitch' that runs along the bottom of a man's scrotum is the 'scar' of what would have been a vagina. That's where the labia fused together when male hormones kicked in during embryonic development.
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    Take a broken guy, put all his pieces in a box and kick that shit to the curb. Get some snacks and read a great book.
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    I will die alone with a book on my chest and cookie crumbs on my pillow. But so happy for you guys. 🎈
    I found someone I can snuggle up and read with and listen to me people find someone you can read with and just be in their presence you will be happy forever
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    💀 💀 dying, bleeding out, gasping for air, choking on emotions and dehydrating from crying. Pat Benatar is the fucking queen 👑 and she just tweeted at me so everyone else can pack it up and go home. 2020 is my bitch!! 🐕❤️
    Replying to @AlexBorstein
    Could we love u any more!? Happy 2020!
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    Omg I love watching Seth here!😂
    Alex Borstein's reaction to winning at the #Emmys deserves an #Emmys win of its own. All winners here: bit.ly/2V9VuB7
    00:00
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    What a bunch of fucking cunts.
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    Hi Gracie. I'm ugly and fat and I play a character who is constantly told she looks like a boy and I was just nominated for a Golden Globe💥🎈
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    Wait, which one is cursed? (I may not know what cursed means.)
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    Emmy afterparty. (L to R: Arquette, Borstein, Waller-Bridge)
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    Awesome, so we only need one of them.
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    My kid snuck a pic of me while I was watching TV so she could make this #mothersday e-card and I look like a fucking corpse. A happy corpse. 😂😂😂❤️
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    These beds can save your life in the event of an earthquake.
    00:00
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    Being likeable is for tweets. Women are complex creatures. We got a lot to do in a short amount of time on Earth. Now go write your book.🎈