-- REFORGED pt.2: electric boogaloo

In the way of our lovely Papa, Tobias Forge, I took a break from my biggest success online and... the world did not, in fact, end. Imagine!

More importantly, the break gave me perspective. When I was posting constantly, I was so deep in the influx of everything - the noise, the anger, the urgency, the endless pressure to respond - that I couldn’t see clearly anymore. Not because my life was in disarray, but because I was so burnt out I couldn’t imagine the other side of it. I was also dealing with nearly daily anxiety attacks from an unrelated condition. Something had to give.

I couldn’t see the version of me that still wanted things. The version that wanted to make, to explore, to play, to return to the parts of myself that existed outside of reaction. So much of me had gotten buried under constant noise, performance, and the feeling that if I stopped pushing, everything would collapse.

And once I stepped away, I found someone very special again: myself.

I could actually hear myself think. I could ask the uncomfortable questions. Chief among them: Was I happy? Was I doing the things that creatively fulfilled me?

The answer, unfortunately, was no. I was doing what I thought I had to do, and what you think you have to do is not always what you should be doing.

My priorities haven’t changed. I don’t care any less. I haven’t gone soft, and I have not suddenly decided fascism is fine, actually. But maybe the way I fight has changed. Sometimes, it needs to.

“Flood the zone with shit” is a real strategy of the right: keep people overwhelmed, exhausted, and too drained to push back effectively. I’ve warned people about that often enough. Luckily, I pulled myself back before it swallowed me, too.

Maybe I don’t want to fight by feeding myself into the machine every day anymore.

That doesn’t mean I’m vanishing from the internet in a puff of incense and lace. I still want to share what moves me. I still want to create. I still want community. I still want to talk about what matters to me.

What is changing is this: @heytocristina is no longer my main account, and I am not going to post there every day. @shhghosting will transition to becoming my main account.

Most people follow @heytocristina for political satire and commentary, and I am not taking that away. That account still matters to me. And in truth, @shhghosting will never be completely apolitical either, lol. We are living in the Bad Timeline. Silence is complicity. And despite repeated requests that I “stick to Ghost and cats,” I regret to inform people that I am capable of caring about multiple things at once. It’s called multitasking.

And honestly, there is something to that request - not the demand that I silence myself, obviously, but the idea of making more room for the things that genuinely light me up. I want @shhghosting to be a place for the parts of my life and imagination that restore me rather than deplete me. The Sims. Ghost. My cats. The things that delight me, inspire me, and make me want to create.

And if politics shows up there too, it will be through that lens: not as endless forced reaction, but as part of a fuller, more human life.

To answer the obvious question: why not just do all of this on @heytocristina?

Simply, people largely do not follow that account for the kind of creation I want to do on @shhghosting. They follow me there for commentary, satire, and sometimes cats. That is fine. Truly. And if you followed me for commentary, again ... that is not going away. Speaking up politically is still really important to me.

But I have never been the sort of person who wants to post just to say something. I do not want to make noise for the sake of staying visible. I want what I say to have meaning. And I want room to create things that are not always being filtered through the expectation of constant reaction.

Honestly? That feels a lot more like freedom. And a lot more like me.

Maybe the spark does not die. Maybe sometimes it just asks to be tended somewhere quieter.

-- REFORGED

Ghost going on hiatus hit me harder than I expected.

Not because I have some obsessive need to see Tobias Forge’s dumb, cute face (though I do enjoy seeing it). He’s not disappearing forever, or dying. The music didn’t evaporate. The records are still there. He’s still creating, just in different ways. And honestly, it’s good that he’s taking time for himself.

That part is all positive.

What caught me off guard wasn’t the hiatus itself. It was what he said about it.

Sometimes your spark fades.
Sometimes you need to step back and do something else.
Sometimes you get the feeling you’re needed elsewhere for a while.

When I heard him say that, something in me went very still.

I have never met Tobias Forge. But part of being human is recognizing yourself in someone else’s truth. What unsettled me wasn’t giddy, fannish admiration - it was recognition. He could have been talking about me.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been running on fumes.

Anxiety keeping me in fight-or-flight mode.
The pressure not to lose momentum.
The fear that if I stop, everything I built will collapse.
And underneath it all, the gnawing sense that there may be more for me to conquer elsewhere.

I’ve carried a lot. I’ve spoken up. I’ve raised my voice against the steady march of fascism. I’ve posted daily. I’ve built a following. I’ve committed to saying something meaningful.

And I don’t let anyone diminish that. It takes discipline, conviction, and vulnerability to show up every day and ask people to listen. Especially in this niche.

But showing up every day in this space means facing the worst of humanity every day. New horrors. New anger. New cruelty. It accumulates.

There comes a point where the spirit is still willing, but the mind slams on the brakes.

And when that happens, powering through isn’t noble - it’s dangerous. Because the things you once loved? The projects that gave you joy? The parts of yourself that felt creative and alive?

You don’t gently set them down.

You skid past them.

Too fast to completely stop.
Too tired to care.

When Tobias described himself as a builder who ran out of tiles, I felt that in my bones. Desire isn’t enough if you’re empty. If you keep forcing output when there’s nothing left in the tank, it starts to feel contrived. Hollow. Mechanical.

I don’t want that for myself.

Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is step back and see if silence brings something new.

Maybe I need that too.

Not disappearing. Not surrendering. Just… adjusting. Maybe not posting every day. Maybe every other day. Maybe once a week. Maybe committing more to other things. Still keeping in touch with people. Like him, I won’t be gone forever. I’d just be refilling a cup long emptied by burnout and anxiety.

Finding myself again.
Connecting with life beyond the curated version of me I let people see.
Maybe sharing more of that life - my cats, the small moments, the quieter pieces of my voice.

Rest doesn’t mean surrender. Stepping back doesn’t mean abandoning the fight. It might mean learning how to fight differently. Or later. With renewed strength instead of resentment.

Maybe the spark doesn’t die.

Maybe it just needs oxygen.

I have ideas. Other projects. Things I put away when everything fell apart. Coming back to them is going to feel good. And if my momentum never comes back? I'm okay with that, too.

I don’t know Tobias Forge. We may never meet. But if we ever do - and life has surprised me before - I would shake his hand and thank him.

Not just for the music.

But for saying the quiet part out loud.

For cracking open the wall I’d built in my own mind.

And for reminding me that sometimes, the bravest thing a creator can do… is pause.

Take care of yourselves. You can always reach me at cristina@undevoted.org or on Instagram DMs. I'll be updating undevoted.org more in the coming days and months with new projects. I'd love to see you here.