McSweeney's Internet Tendency

“Let out an extremely long, exasperated sigh. Really milk it, like you can’t even believe you have to make this call. Like, your reps should be doing something about stuff already, without you having to take time out of your busy day to tell them that you’re a voter who votes and will vote for somebody else if they don’t get off their ass already.”

“Imagine Snapchat doesn’t exist, and the only way to find out who’s having a party tonight is to press *69 on a landline phone and ask someone’s mom.”

“For decades, America has been trapped in an outdated framework called ‘democracy,’ wherein candidates campaign for votes, the ballots are counted, and whoever gets more wins. This system may have made sense in an earlier era, when horse travel was common, information moved by telegram, and certain folks were measured in fractions. But in today’s fast-paced world, can we really afford to let simple arithmetic determine power?”

#2. Walks and Errors
Year in and year out, the most reliable run-scorers in the league.

“Many would consider it extremely flattering that it’s now not just one, but rather two, or even three, wolves who’ve stepped up to the plate. Wolves are busy, and if they’re circling you, it’s because they’ve invested. No ghosting. No mixed signals. Just full, undivided, 100 percent attention.”