Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

I Can Spot a Great Candidate in 30 Seconds - Without Looking at Their Resume. At Vicco Laboratories, the first few interview rounds are handled by our HR and leadership team. They assess skills, experience, performance history - all the standard checkboxes. But when someone reaches my room, I’m not evaluating capability. I’m evaluating character. Because skills can be trained. Character can’t. So in the final round, I deliberately observe three things before we even get into formal questions: 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭 1: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦 Before they enter, I always ask our receptionist to make them wait for a few minutes. Not to trouble them — but to observe: Do they greet her or ignore her? Do they show gratitude or entitlement? Do they smile or stay blank? Do they thank her when being called in? If someone is only respectful upwards, they’re not fit for leadership. 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭 2: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 During the conversation, I pause intentionally. A great candidate: Doesn’t panic when things go quiet Holds eye contact without overcompensating Thinks before responding, instead of rushing to impress Silence is a pressure test.  Silence exposes a person’s comfort with themselves. And self-assured people make better decisions under pressure. 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭 3: 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐀𝐬𝐤 “𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐨”, 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 “𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐆𝐞𝐭?” I watch closely when compensation and responsibilities are discussed. If the questions are only about salary, perks and timings, they’re employees. If they ask about learning culture, values, decision-making structure…they are already thinking as an owner. I’ll always choose alignment over achievement. So if you’re ever preparing for your final round anywhere — don’t just prepare your resume. Prepare your presence. Because long after your words fade, your character stays in the room. Sanjeev Pendharkar  Just sharing what I’ve learnt #values #business #hiring #hr #decisionmaking #cv #leadership #skills

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Want to stay motivated every single day? Borrow a strategy from Harvard. Then borrow another from stand up comedy. Together, they’re a powerhouse for momentum, motivation, and mastery. Here’s how it works: Let’s start with Harvard. Researcher Teresa Amabile studied 12,000 daily work diaries across 8 companies. She wanted to know: What truly motivates people on a day to day basis? What she found changed how we understand drive. The #1 driver of daily motivation wasn’t: Money Praise Perks It was progress. The days people made progress on meaningful work were the days they felt the best. Progress isn’t a luxury. It’s a psychological necessity. So how do we make progress feel visible especially on days when it’s not? Use a “Progress Ritual.” → At the end of the day, pause. → Write down 3 small ways you moved forward. → That’s it. No fanfare. Just ritual. This works because we rarely notice our progress in real time. It gets buried under busyness, meetings, and mental noise. The act of looking back gives your brain the reward it needs to keep going. Momentum builds from meaning. Now let’s add some comedy. Young Jerry Seinfeld had one goal: write new material every day. To stay on track, he created a brilliant system. Each day he wrote, he put a big red X on his calendar. Soon, a chain of Xs formed. And here’s the key: Don’t break the chain. One red X becomes two. Two becomes ten. Ten becomes identity. Whether you’re writing, coding, or training Daily action + visual chain = long-term motivation. Summary: The Two-Part Motivation System From Harvard: Record 3 ways you made progress each day. From Seinfeld: Mark an X for each day you show up then don’t break the chain. Progress fuels purpose. Consistency fuels confidence. Apply both and you’ll stay on track especially on the tough days. Because when your days get better, your weeks get better. When your weeks get better, your months get better. When your months get better, your life gets better. It starts with one small win today.

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

Just by being Black, the level of latitude you're given for behaviour – especially behaviour deemed "bad" – is often completely different. The consequences are harsher and the scrutiny is sharper. Take disciplinary matters, for example. Black employees are often judged more harshly for the same behaviours as their white counterparts. A Black professional might be labelled “difficult”, “angry”, “intimidating”, or “unprofessional” for expressing frustration in a meeting, while a white colleague might be excused as “passionate” or “assertive”. You know the type of comments – “Elizabeth is just expressing how she feels,” or “Johnny was just a bit hot under the collar.” The disparity isn’t just anecdotal – it’s backed up by research into workplace racial bias. Then there’s career progression. Black employees are frequently held to higher standards to earn the same recognition. Feedback like, “You need to prove yourself more” or “be more of a team player” is often levelled at those who have already delivered exceptional results. Meanwhile, others are promoted based on potential or likeability rather than consistent performance. Not sure if this is (or has) happened in your workplace? 1) Look at patterns in employee relations cases – Are Black employees disproportionately disciplined or receiving harsher feedback compared to their peers in similar roles? 2) Examine promotion criteria – Are Black employees expected to overperform just to be considered for opportunities, while others get ahead based on vague ideas of potential or even subpar performance? How do performance and potential ratings for Black employees compare with others? 3) Observe how behaviours are labelled – Is there a difference in the language used to describe similar actions? Are words like “angry” or “unapproachable” disproportionately applied to Black colleagues? For Black women, how are their traits described compared to non-Black women? For Black men, what “advice” is given under the guise of mentorship to ensure they aren’t perceived as “intimidating” or “scary” – particularly when they express frustration or anger? To address this, the first step is noticing the patterns (or not dismissing or acting defensively when it’s pointed out), the second is to question and avoid making assumptions that it is an “unfounded accusation” and the third? Well, that’s up to you. You can either take action or ignore it. I say that only because too many organisations are still struggling to get past the first step 🤷🏾♀️ 📹 Sterling K. Brown

Avoiding tough talks is a direct path to losing team trust. Here's how top leaders handle conflict: 1/ The Real Problem → Leaders stall, hoping conflict resolves itself → Feedback gets softened until it’s meaningless → The issue festers, and performance suffers 2/ Why It Matters → Projects halt because no one says what needs to be said → The wrong people stay in the room, the right ones leave → Culture declines and misalignment becomes the norm 3/ The CLEAR Framework → Cut the Fluff: Skip the warm-up and get to the point → Label the Behavior: Focus on actions, not identity → Explain the Impact: Make it real, why does it matter? → Ask for Alignment: Invite a response, not a lecture → Recommit or Redirect: Don’t end vague, end with clarity 4/ What Happens Next → Tension goes down, not up → People feel respected, not ambushed → Projects move forward, with trust, not silence 5/ Why You Need This → Leading isn’t about avoiding discomfort → It’s about creating clarity when others won’t → This framework gives you the words to do it right What's your biggest takeaway?

I was once asked to review the comms from a female employee who was accused of being 'aggressive.' So I asked to see equivalent correspondence from this woman and colleagues at the same level of seniority. Most other colleagues were male. I placed emails side-by-side, retracting the names. And I asked: Tell me the difference between the communication styles of Person A and Person B? There wasn't one. Both had: --> Clearly asked for what they needed --> Set an expectation in terms of timeline --> Made it clear this wasn't a request as a business-critical order Women are expected to 'flower up' their language, ask like someone is doing them a favour as opposed to taking an order from their line manager, and mitigate all circumstances to ensure the thing they're asking for is as painless as possible. But conversely, when they play into this expectation for fluffiness, they're not 'ideal candidates' for leadership positions. It's an exhausting double-bind that ultimately means women: you can't win. And what surprises me the most is that people don't see it unless they SEE it, unless you have the opportunity to put emails side-by-side and ask 'what's the difference?'

I've coached 400+ CEOs. The best ones don't communicate better. They communicate differently. While average leaders wing it, great ones use proven methods that turn conversations into opportunities. After 20+ years studying top performers, I've identified 7 communication systems that separate good from great. (Save this. You'll need it for your next big meeting.) 1. The 3 Levels of Listening Stop listening to reply. Start listening to understand. Level 1: You're thinking about your response Level 2: You're focused on their words Level 3: You're reading the room—energy, tone, silence One CEO used this to uncover why his top performer was really leaving. Saved a $10M account. 2. What? So What? Now What? Transform rambling updates into decisive action. What = The facts (30 seconds max) So What = Why it matters to the business Now What = The specific decision needed Cut meeting time by 40%. 3. PREP Method Never fumble another investor question. Point: Your answer in one sentence Reason: Why you believe it Example: Proof from your business Point: Reinforce your answer Practice this for 5 minutes daily. Sound prepared always. 4. RACI Matrix Kill confusion before it starts. Responsible: Who does the work Accountable: Who owns success/failure (only ONE person) Consulted: Who gives input Informed: Who needs updates Projects with clear RACI are 3x more likely to succeed. 5. Story of Self/Us/Now Move hearts, not just minds. Story of Self: Why YOU care (personal conviction) Story of Us: Our shared challenge Story of Now: The urgent choice we face This framework has helped politicians win. It'll help you raise capital or inspire your team to meet a big goal. 6. The Pyramid Principle Get board approval in half the time. Start with your recommendation Give 3 supporting arguments (max) Order by impact (strongest first) Data goes last, not first McKinsey consultants swear by this. So should you. 7. COIN Feedback Model Make tough conversations productive. Context: When and where it happened Observation: What you saw (facts only) Impact: The business consequence Next: Agreed action steps No more avoided conversations. No more resentment. Your next funding round, key hire, or major deal doesn't depend on working harder. It depends on communicating better. Because in the end, leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about asking better questions, listening deeper, and communicating with precision. Your team is waiting for you to lead like this. P.S. Want a PDF of my Leadership Communication Cheat Sheet? Get it free: https://lnkd.in/dbaSN9fJ ♻️ Repost to help a founder level up their communication. Follow Eric Partaker for more leadership tools.

Someone shared this CNN article about Tamiah Brevard-Rodriguez defending her doctoral dissertation after delivering her son in her wife’s Maserati. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and here’s what I see in the picture below. 🔍I see the glamorization of Bl@ck women having to push past exhaustion and discomfort to get the things they want. I don’t have children, but I have 10 friends who are pregnant and who have given birth in the last two months, and they’ve all described how mentally and physically exhausting childbirth was. So I can only imagine what it is like to compartmentalize bringing a child into this world so that you could finally be done with your dissertation and then finally focus on your family and newborn. 🔍 I also see society reinforcing the trope that Bl@ck women are superheroes who don’t need rest, who don’t deserve accommodations, and who can bear it all. There’s so much more I can say from an intersectional lens as it relates to maternal mortality of Bl@ck women, and Tamiah is a Bl@ck woman with a wife. But my primary focus of this post is to center on how normal it is for people to praise Bl@ck women for pushing to the point of exhaustion. As someone who also pushed through very tumultuous times to complete my dissertation in 3 years, I know why she decided not to reschedule her defense. But that’s my point: our safety, comfort, and rest shouldn’t be a “reward” after completing all the major things on our to-do list. I did it before I started my sabbatical. I pushed to do so much because I thought once my sabbatical began, I could finally rest. If I’m being honest, I haven’t even been fully resting. Not because I don’t want to, but because 1) I have bills to pay and 2) there have been people constantly asking me to do things, people assuming that I am doing nothing and must be fully rested, so now I can do the things they think I should. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been asked, “Why are you so tired? I thought you were on sabbatical.” Or have I been told, “Oh wow, you’re on a sabbatical? Must be nice,” as if all of my responsibilities are put on hold, and I am rich, so I can lounge around all day and do nothing? Not to mention navigating neurodivergence. While I’m so happy Tamiah got her dissertation out the way and will be graduating and also that both she and her son are healthy, I encourage everyone else to reframe their thinking around Bl@ck women's need for rest. Exhaustion and “pushing through” have been normalized for all women, but when it comes to Bl@ck women, it’s also commodified and capitalized (all the major news outlets are getting views from this story). Bl@ck women deserve rest without guilt or explanation. We all do, especially now after back-to-back traumatic world events.

The culture war clash over diversity, equity, and inclusion will continue forever unless we can bring it from 10,000 ft in the air back down to earth. "Commitment to an inclusive culture for all?" "Marxist philosophy?" "Policies for achieving belonging?" "Wokeism?" Buzzwords against buzzwords against buzzwords, with no one the wiser as to what's actually being discussed. Rachel needs a lactation room, so we're converting a meeting room into one. Steven's going to be a dad and wants to spend time with his newborn kid, so we're expanding "maternal leave benefits" into "parental leave benefits." Andrew's a customer who has shared feedback about our product being inaccessible, so we're having him talk to the product team. Bianca helped us realize that our company's meetings are chaotic and don't make space for everyone's voice, so we're setting meeting norms. Sam worked on debiasing the hiring process at a previous role and we could benefit from that, so we're looking at standardizing our own process. Arjun shared helpful feedback about the difficulty managers face in managing their distributed teams, so we're building out more resources and structure. There is only one "ideology" present in DEI work done right, and it's shared by pretty much every pluralistic democratic society in our world: that everyone deserves dignity, respect, and opportunity regardless of the beliefs, values, needs, circumstances, experiences and perspectives we hold. That's it. The remaining 99.9% of the work is operational. How do we remove barriers to opportunity and fairness in the workplace? How do we meet people's many needs so we can bring out their potential? How do we create an environment where different people can come together and build something bigger than themselves? A great deal of that operational work ought to be done better. Diversity, equity, and inclusion work has a lot of room for improvement, and it'll take everyone's feedback and active involvement — yes, even from skeptics — to ensure that work succeeds. But to get there, we have to get our heads out of the clouds and bring the conversation back down to earth. Flowery abstractions, even if they make us feel righteous and good, will not save us. It's the mundane pragmaticism of speaking in real terms, with real people, to solve real problems, that will break through the misinformation and polarization that keeps us stuck in the status quo.