TrappedBoredom

Male Dominant, 68, Montgomery, Alabama

Male Dominant, 37, B.C.

Male Dominant, 57, W St Louis Co., Missouri

I found this on here and found it very insightful Slave This one has been kicked about on kink boards and by many for as long as I can remember -- and of course, just about everyone has their own definition. Now, many feel the difference between 'sub' and 'slave' is the slave consents to give up all control of her life to her 'Master', where the sub (submissive) consents to give up only certain portions of her life to serve her Dom (Dominant). Thus, you have the two dynamics: the Master/slave (or M/s) dynamic and the Dom/sub (or D/s) dynamic. (But note: 'D/s' is also short for Domination and submission, just depends on the context in which it's being used.)As such, many view the slave as consenting to give up more control of her life than the sub, with some arguing that the slave then trusts her Master more than the sub trusts her Dom because the sub is giving up less control than the slave. This of course causes all kinds of disagreements between those who refer to themselves as subs or slaves because the subs maintain they trust their Doms just as much as the slaves trust their Masters -- the sub simply elects not to give up control over ALL aspects of her life, where the slave does. Thus, perceiving the difference between sub and slave in this way implies the slave has given up her goals, career, interests, etc. in favor of serving her Master's wants and needs -- leaving many to classify themselves as 'sub' instead of 'slave' because they desire a career, a life, and so forth. Essentially, the vast majority view a slave as living a life of service to her Master, and not her own -- of course, this is based on the dictionary definition of 'slavery' at its most basic level. However, given we ALL know that BDSM is CONSENSUAL, in reality there are no REAL slaves or Masters under the dictionary definitions of Master and slave. As such, it's often her physical actions (i.e., following orders, sexual and non-sexual service, limitations upon her freedom, and so forth) that many view as slave-like behavior. In my opinion, this is where many get it wrong -- as it's not the PHYSICAL, but the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL that separates the two.Personally, here's how I view the sub/slave thing... To be a slave does NOT mean that one is tied up in a cellar somewhere, kneeling 24/7 in cuffs, or giving up her dreams, career, educational and/or vocational pursuits, aspirations, etc. While many kinksters think that's what it means to be a 'slave', I disagree. For me, being a 'slave' or being 'slave-wired' is simply a MINDSET... it goes to where her PRIMARY motivations, happiness, and so forth begin and end -- where her PRIMARY fulfillment is derived from. A sub, though submissive, tends to primarily focus on (or give equal weight to) HER fulfillment from submitting to another, where a slave tends receive her PRIMARY fulfillment from HER MASTER's pleasure from her submission -- it's where the focus is, and has ZERO to do with any particular activity(ies). It's all MENTAL/EMOTIONAL... where does her PRIMARY fulfillment come from? From HER submission, or HIS pleasure in her submission. If it's the latter, then that's slave-wired. Note: I'm not stating a 'sub' does not seek to please her Dom, nor am I stating a 'slave' does not receive pleasure from her service, it's simply where the PRIMARY focus is.Okay, another example... picture two girls kneeling. Just looking at the two, the action itself (i.e., the physical act of kneeling) is the SAME. So which is the sub and which is the slave? You can't tell, can you? Again, that's because it has ZERO to do with the physical -- it's all mental/emotional. If she's kneeling because her submission gives HER pleasure to do so, she's likely a 'sub'. However, if she's kneeling because her fulfillment is derived from pleasing her Master -- again, she's focused on the pleasure HE receives from her submission and from her service -- then she's likely a 'slave'. Make sense?!! Unfortunately, many girls will shy away from the term 'slave' because of the silly connotations and nonsense the fantasy folks associate with it about losing all of her freedoms, goals, aspirations, and so forth. But again, the physical does not a slave make -- it's the mental/emotional. Thus, a 'slave' absolutely CAN have a life of her own, a career, outside interests, and so on, as these things and being a slave are NOT in any way mutually exclusive. We're all people first and anything else second. And please note, neither sub or slave is better or worse than the other, just different. Limits All (both subs and slaves alike) have 'limits' (i.e., those activities they do NOT consent to participate in, or are not ready to push), and like anything else, where one's limits are and what they are comfortable pushing comes with both time and TRUST -- as well as communication and commitment. For me, those are the BIG THREE... Communication, Commitment and Trust -- all of which leading to love. Communication = If you can't freely talk about everything, you have nothing. There's no such thing as toughing it out. That's the WORST thing many bottoms do. We're not mind-readers, so if something's going on in your head or heart, you must share it -- and without fear of reprisal or loss.Commitment = If there's no commitment to the relationship, it's doomed. Training another, for example, is a TON of work. If she's of the 'I don't feel like submitting today' sort, then she's broken her promise and commitment. Same holds true for him. If he's to be her Top/Dom/Master/Owner or whatever, then he now has a RESPONSIBILITY to her, and can't be too busy to hear her.Trust = Comfort in knowing (on both sides) the other would never intentionally hurt you (mentally, emotionally, or physically), or violate the aforementioned 'commitment' that's been established to lead or follow. Many don't get (or may even disagree with) the above... but in my opinion, the vast majority of those that call themselves 'Doms' or 'Masters' on kink sites are fakes or wannabes anyway, and who can't cut-it with a strong, independent 'vanilla' woman, so they go online, learn a few buzz-words, pick up a pair of dark sunglasses, leather pants, check the 'Toppy' button in their profile, and POOF... instant Master of the Universe. In short, they turn to the sub/slave girls thinking they won't challenge their already fragile egos, thinking they'll roll-over at the drop of a hat and commence humping their leg. Idiots. They see the Power Exchange Dynamic as only flowing in one direction. It doesn't... both are cut from the same cloth, just from different ends -- and with HER commitment, follows HIS responsibility to (and for) her.But note, there are just as many fake and wannabe femsubs/femslaves as well, as there are those that seek to PLAY THE ROLE of sub/slave and those that ACCEPT (and ARE) a sub/slave. For those that are the 'real deal', they know what they need to be happy, have made a choice of service to (and use by) another, and understand that with her choice follow responsibilities of her own -- to both herself and to him. There's no taking the day off from being his -- she either is, or she isn't -- and she TRUSTS that he would never intentionally abuse or betray that trust, or her heart. But she also understands and accepts that he will likely know what's best for her, even when she can't see it. That's trust. Any girl can submit when she WANTS to... it's the one that submits when she DOESN'T want to that separates the players from those that are truly prepared to belong to another.Use vs Abuse With reference to the aforementioned 'abuse' above, I've never quite understood why some (not all) tend to abuse their sub/slave girl -- mentally, emotionally, or physically? I mean, from a Top's perspective... he's spent time training her to be PERFECT for him, he values her use, service, and self-sacrifice (because submission/slavery is a CHOICE, and he'd have booted her out the door if she didn't please him), and likely finds her beautiful. So, why abuse one that has WILLINGLY given you so much?!! Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know about the whole she's his 'property' thing and all. But c'mon... if he 'owned' a Ferrari (just as he 'owns' her), is that not too his 'property' -- and one that also provides use, service and holds great value? I'll bet he wouldn't intentionally damage his Ferrari, so why intentionally damage her -- again, either mentally, emotionally, or physically? Now add to this that she likely LOVES her Dom/Master. So, he's going to abuse that which he's invested so much time and energy in, the one that's surrendered her use and service to him, and more often than not also loves him?!! Just doesn't make sense to me. Instead, I say feed her mind, fill her heart, show her she's the most important thing in the world to you, and she'll give you TEN-FOLD what her fearful, insecure, abused counterpart will ever be capable of offering.Monogamy vs Polygamy vs Fidelity In its simplest terms, 'monogamy' is a relationship/dynamic involving two people (the couple), where 'polygamy' (or 'poly') is a relationship/dynamic involving more than the two primary people. But note, if the primary/core couple occasionally adds a third person (male or female), and all parties involved are completely aware of the third person, then that too is often termed a 'monogamous' relationship/dynamic -- sometimes even termed, 'Monogamous, but with room for play', so there has been no breach in fidelity. For me personally, once she has consented to become mine, then no man will ever put his hands on her again, nor have I ever betrayed a girl's trust in my life.However, for those that seek more than one partner (even on an occasional basis), the Power Exchange Dynamic can leave room for this. Thus, in my humble opinion, there is simply NO REASON TO EVER CHEAT!!! That's why it's important to make clear what you're seeking (or comfortable with) from the very beginning. If you want monogamy, then say so... if you want poly, then say so... if you're comfortable with something somewhere in between, then say so as well. But to attempt to change the rules on your partner at some point down the road is not only dishonorable, but hurtful in the extreme. And as to the alleged Doms/Masters out there who do this and/or who cheat on their sub/slave, they are anything but a 'Dom' or 'Master'. Cheating is a lack of self-control, and a poor quality in ANY person -- let alone in one who calls themselves a 'Dom' or 'Master'. Whether you are a sub or slave, the relationship/dynamic is about TRUST and CONSENT. As such, if you have NOT consented to share (or be shared), then consent has not been given, and your trust has been violated. Consensual non-consent is one thing, where respect is another... and violating trust (via cheating, or being cheated on) is no different than violating a 'hard limit' -- and anyone doing so has not only disrespected their partner, but violated their trust. The Gift Finally, there is much disagreement with those in Kinkville USA about whether or not her submission is a 'gift' or not. On one side of the fence are those that feel her submission is no more a gift than his Dominance is a gift to her -- thinking, if she's submissive (be it sub, slave, or whatever), then she's simply being herself (just as he's being himself), which does not qualify as a 'gift'. Also, many view the whole 'submission as a gift' thing as giving her too much power/control in the relationship/dynamic, as it's giving her submission 'value', so to speak, where none is often deserved/desired by either person.Now, on the other side of the fence, you have those that feel her submission is, in fact, a gift because if it wasn't, then she'd freely give it to the world, as opposed to the one she's consented to give that control over her heart, mind, body, service and use to. It's NOT seen as 'giving her too much power/control', but that SHE HERSELF -- not her specific/physical acts of submission -- is both important to him and that he is proud to call her his. Personally, I fall into this group and feel the mistake the other group fails to recognize is that SHE TOO views him as a gift in her life. For me, she is not just my sub/slave, but my friend, lover, joy, passion, and in time.... possibly even my wife. In short, she is both everything and nothing at the same time, gives me as much purpose as I give her, and together we build a HEALTHY relationship -- with the Power Exchange dynamic acting as a backdrop and means to simply define our roles to each other in all aspects of our relationship and life together.I am a Dominant Man? Author UnknownI am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be, dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am your Master. I am your Master only after earning your trust and embracing your submission. I have looked into your heart and mind and have seen your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You have told me of the needs of your heart, mind and body and given me access to your soul -- I accept that honor and responsibility. We are not equal. You are a woman, and you are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. I am a man, and have strength of body, mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other, and together, are complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive and not to degrade you, nor is it degrading to you because you are as secure in your femininity as I am secure in my masculinity. We each recognize and accept our roles, worth and needs, as well as our desire to trust the other to fulfill those needs. You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in his strength, control and masculinity -- and in return, you present control of your heart, mind, body, and soul with unconditional trust, honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. I have listened to your words with both my ears and my heart, and by opening myself and my soul to you, I have earned your submission and trust. You have given me a treasure... you have given me dominance over you.What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest of gifts a woman can give to a man. You have given me complete and unwavering assurance of your commitment to me, and to us. Your submission is both a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility, one that I accept from you with both humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift -- that it is your body and soul, and your heart and mind. When you kneel before me, know that in my heart and in my eyes, you are raised above all woman and all treasures. What you give to me freely can not be bought, and that which circles and adorns your neck as a symbol of your ownership and commitment, so too circles and surrounds my heart. I would strongly suggest you check out the forums on BONDAGE Where CollarMe is more of a 'hook-up' website, B is more of a 'community' website that has (in my opinion) the BEST forums on the net when it comes to BDSM, making friends, learning, chatting with like-minded people, and so forth Personally, I'd suggest you review the following forums:- BDSM Relationships- BDSM Technique- Help Support & Advice- Hanging Out

What the fuck is with this god damn site????? Is there not any real subs or slaves on here?? If you are real and serious contact me, if your a scamer leave me the FUCK ALONE!

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